Hello all, recently I’ve been finding the courage to open up to my wife about fantasies that I’ve had regarding the swinger lifestyle. We’ve been married five years. I’ve been having fantasies of exploring the lifestyle with my wife for some time, but mainly kept them to myself. Always been the kind of person that internalizes opinions and feelings I think may lead to conflict (even if not that serious). But I’ve improved a lot on speaking my mind on things I feel are worth bringing up.

My wife is a good mix of traditional and modern Latina woman. She’s able to understand and accept that there are married people that engage in open relationships, but she herself leans to viewing it as taboo personally. I’ve opened up to her about having an mfm threesome experience before we had met, to which she responded to by being turned on (literally had sex after) and verbally expressing that knowing I was experienced sexually turned her on. However, my attempts of bringing up the topic of swinging, both discrete and not, are always met with diverting the conversation or telling me no. Now I will admit I’ve never been direct with telling her I want us to become swingers/an open relationship outright. Always just made suggestions of having a couple watch, if another woman/man was involved. She’s only entertained the idea a handful of times, and each was during sex and after a few drinks prior. But when I try to bring it up after again, in a sober level playing field, she diverts the conversation or says was only to please me in the moment.

One thing that keeps popping up in the times she’s objected to the idea of swinging is the question “Am I not enough”?

What I would like to know is how some of you that transitioned from vanilla relationship into the swinger lifestyle handled this question. I’m very sensitive to my wife’s feelings/emotions and never brought up swinging like an ultimatum on our relationship. Always approached it as something that could be fun for both. But I genuinely not sure how to address that one question without making her feel some kind of way.

As for our sex life, we have great connection and chemistry that I know a few couples would wish they had. We don’t do it as often when first married, but that’s alright as we’ve changed as people and responsibilities just tire us out physically and mentally. But we have it often enough where it’s not like we’re deprived of a healthy sexual relationship. That being said, I do find myself longing for new and different experiences. Ultimately, my wife is very satisfied where we are sexually, while I’m longing for more in new experiences as a couple. I’m not desperate for it as that I would pressure her into anything or trample her feelings/opinion about it. But would like to improve how to address and best present swinging as an option.