We've been in the lifestyle for 9 years or so, and have been together as a couple forever. Had many amazing experiences, met some really great people that have turned into real friendships and in the beginning the boundaries we had were very strict. Some of them have fallen away over time, getting more comfortable with situations. Some of them are still very 'there'..not really by my choice.

One strict boundary we have is a no opposite sex kissing rule. It's really not a huge thing to be left out but it kind of takes away from really connecting with people.

I'm the female half and kissing is something I really, really want to explore! I think the hang up with my husband is the perceived intimacy of it.

When were with people, nothing about it is intimate to me. To be very blunt, it's just fucking. Pure fucking, nothing more.

TMI: We met with friends not long ago and after the male half was done eating me out, I asked me husband if I could lick the males face..he didn't respond, so I didn't. But I really wanted to..

I understand this hobby comes with sacrifices on both ends. Im not about to ruin my marriage or harp on this predicament of mine.

I guess I'm just looking for advice or words of encouragement. I left our last hangout just wanting more. I want to be able to really get into it and connect but I just can't.

Halp!