Last night, my husband and I (both early 40s) went to an LS house party. We had a great time, as always, but we had an interaction with one woman that was kind of funny, while also a little off-putting.

My husband had been flirting with a woman (36F) in the party's group chat all week. She had been sending him wild messages that got both of us pretty hot, and I was really looking forward to seeing them play. We got to the party and she immediately found us. My guy told her that he was ready when she was, but since most people just got there, he understood if she needed a drink. She said they just got there as well and she needed to ease in, so give her 15 minutes. We both said no problem, she wondered off, and we connected with some friends and played.

An hour later, she finds us again, but this time, she's reeking of pot. Lots of people get high in the LS, and even though we don't use recreational drugs, we don't mind when other people do. We chatted about the party, and my husband invited her to play. She started apologizing like crazy, telling him that she just needed fifteen more minutes. Again, no big deal. But instead of wandering off, she started talking. A LOT.

I don't know if it was nerves or the pot, but she started babbling like crazy. In the span of only a few minutes, she told us about how they put their dog down last year, how she gives birth to massive ten-pound babies, and how her three-year-old likes to talk to the baby she miscarried when she was in her twenties.

Needless to say, my husband was not enthused to play anymore. She seemed too high. Maybe too drunk too, and we just don't play that game.

We made an excuse and stepped away.

A few hours later, she found us again, and she once again told my husband she just needed fifteen more minutes. He said that sadly we needed to go but that he'd message her the next day (today).

This morning, she texts and says how sorry she was they didn't play. My husband told her that she seemed a little too high, and he was worried she wasn't really feeling it. She admitted that this was only her second house party, and she got really nervous. She apologized for getting way too high and drunk. Of course, my man was very kind and told her it's no problem, and if she ever wanted to play, he's always game, but there's zero pressure.

We've been talking about it, and I just don't understand why she didn't tell us she was new. We approach newbies very differently than we do experienced people in the lifestyle. But also, why on earth would you get so wasted? Do you want to get sick? Blackout? Freak out?

So this is my cautionary tale for newbies: Don't drink to find your courage. Don't get high to try to relax. Just tell people you're new to the LS and that you need to slow down.