We as a couple (m36 f27) got into swinging earlier this year, we decided to use Reddit as our source to find other couples and we met a couple that was also new to it and in a similar situation with kids so understood planning around child care and whatnot. We had an absolutely amazing time leaving us and the other couple craving more. We were so comfortable seeing each other with different partners and it just felt right to us.

We started looking for more couples as well due to our schedule not being able to line up as well with the other couple at times but it just felt like a bottomless bucket of thirsty pervy single guys just looking for a quick and easy time and we had to filter through all of that, then the couples we did find felt like it was one side of the couple just leading the charge and the other is just along for the ride. The ones we have clicked with typically just disappear or completely flake, one of them did so day of and we already had child care so that sucked.

We started getting messages from people running groups on kik to join their groups and how active they are so we did that and it was like a junior high dance, not one person in these groups were chatting meanwhile the people running these groups are constantly messaging all of us with messages like “you HAVE to meet other couples” and we tried getting the chats going in those groups but it was like crickets. Shortly after that the messages from the mods start again “you all NEED to travel to meet each other!” This is making my partner and I start to feel uncomfortable as we’re putting in the effort and this guy is down everyone’s throats, so we left the group.

We continued with posting and it felt like we kept having to take more and more pictures to get attention from people as posting the same pictures wasn’t getting as much attention as before which left us both a bit uneasy, we’re just a couple looking for other couples for fun, we’re not onlyfans models or anything like that, we don’t make any decisions without the others consent and at this point we’re just feeling uneasy with things.

The couple we saw starting canceling on us with short notice after we secured child care several times, it’s not like they were complete wasted nights, we still went out and had romantic evenings with each other but after canceling on us several times last second, it left us feeling really discouraged and questioning if we’re doing something wrong and not sure if we want to continue pursuing them anymore.

After the constant filtering through the thirsty single guy responses (which btw we explicitly add no single males to every post), the constant flakes, fakes, ghosts, and cancelations, we’re both mentally exhausted and our confidence is in the trash at this point from the search, we sat down together last night and started discussing all of this, we really love the lifestyle and how we felt when we did it and both of us genuinely felt even more close when we did it but the search has definitely taken a toll on us mentally.

Question is, is it us? Are we doing this wrong? Do others feel discouraged when going through the search as well? How many times can a couple cancel last second til you walk away? What do you reccomend we do to improve our experience in the search?

We have a love hate relationship with Reddit as this has enabled us to have a joint account that’s easy to access for both of us buuut… see all the above.