We had the choice of a few parties to go to last night, and we picked some old friends (Joe and Jane) who are more into the BDSM world than swinging. She is a hotwife, but Jon was hoping for some kinky stuff to happen, so he could watch a BDSM show of some kind. They have a fully equipped dungeon at home, so it was not a crazy expectation.

Instead, it was like a regular NYE party, where no play happened. Here is how it went. Each conversation was longer but i cut out the small talk.

—————- - Hi, we are Jon and Angela - Hi, I am January. I came here without my husband. - How long have you been a swinger, January? - oh, I am part of Jane’s BDSM playgroup. I have her tie me up and we do some impact play. - That sounds dangerous? Any sex? - Yes, she is really tough, but no sex. I am too bruised for sex. - cool, ttyl

——————- - Hi, I am February - What are you into, Feb? - I like Shibari and I like suspension play - Feb, there is nothing we can do for you. We would probably leave you hanging. TTYL.

—————— - Hi, I am March. Do I know you? - Yes, you have been to our house twice! - the house behind WalMart or the one behind WholeFoods? - Whole Foods. We have standards. What are you showing everyone on your phone? - my (porn website) account. We create pegging videos. That one has 7 million views. - Does that make you a lot of money? - No. The highest monthly check was $130. But it is fun. I have men line up to get pegged. - You buy lube by the gallon? - I do. It is really an art though. - I bet. TTYL.

—————— - Hi, I am April - what are you into, April? - I don’t have sex like you guys. I am so high right now. - I know, I had guessed, that’s why I am asking what your kink is. - Nothing. I am a newbie. My BF here wanted me to come and watch. I just wanted to show off my new girls. - They look very expensive. Great job! TTYL

——————- - Hi, May. Sup? Into some fun kind of kink? - No. I just like to be humiliated. We came to say Hi with our bull. I sleep in the guest bedroom now. It’s a FLR, 24/7 humiliation. - Good for you. TTYL

—————- June, July,…..

—————- - Angela, I am tired. I spoke to 11 women. Not one of them plays. WTF. Let’s go home. - Jon, you have not spoken to December. - I don’t know if I have it in me. - Let me go to work. What would you do without me.

——————

• Hi, I am December. Are you into girls?
• I am, but it doesn’t mean I am going to play with you.
• Let’s make out and figure it out (Kiss…. Kiss… Touch…. Kiss)
• That was pretty good. I only do soft swap with men though. I am tired. Can we set up a play date soon?
• Soft swap can be fun. Jan 17, my house?
• Deal. I cannot wait.

——————

Lesson learned: never again will we go to a BDSM-centric party. But we still made some lemonade out of lemons. You just have to be patient and thorough.

Did you all experience this as well with BDSM aficionados?