To be clear, it is not my partner pressuring me. It's me, pressure from myself, wanting him to have experiences.

So basically we met as singles at a sex party, became FWB, and fell in love. Therefore we started in a completely open situation, and recently closed the relationship to only do things with others.

During the open part of our relationship, I (40f) had many experiences. My partner (35m) and I went to parties, clubs, etc. There was ample opportunity for me. But for my partner, he has only had one experience with another woman. Just how the ENM world works in our area, there being more men available for these kinds of things.

To have more balance, we decided to enter the swinging world, so we can both have sexual experiences with other people. The problem is that now I'm a bit exhausted of the scene and wanting a break. But my partner barely got to experience anything. He's willing to try to find women separately, I am pretty okay with it, well at least I'm willing to see how it goes. But it's pretty tough to find.

Anyway, I feel some pressure to swing to make our situation feel more balanced. I really want my partner to have amazing experiences. It feels a bit selfish to bail on what we decided to do so my partner could have his own experiences.

At the same time, I don't want to push myself. I've been having fun but lately feeling like our sexual activities have taken over. Of course I realize I feel that way because I was the only one benefiting from it. If I was my partner, and hadn't been able to experience much yet, and then I bailed just when we found a good solution, I'd be very disappointed.

To be clear, my partner has assured me he is fine if I want to opt out, no pressure from him.

Anyone been in similar situation? Have any advice?