Husband found a way to ask that I feel okay saying yes to, after years of occasionally bringing it up and being dismissed. We haven't done much but this takes up an insane amount of mental energy. It's been a few months and at least once a week theres some discussion of it or he's showing me chats or bringing up stuff during sex or trying to change up his technique during sex and I'm trapped trying to deal with feelings for days. This feels like an emotionally exhausting new hobby thats contaminating "our" sex. I'm okay with a few hours now and then of extra complicated sex that gets him excited in the bedroom at home for a while before and after but this is...a lot?

How long did it take you to chill out and not have to spend a bunch of time and mental energy on these extras? Find a new normal? Especially as the less interested partner?