So my wife and I (46) have been dabbling in the lifestyle for a couple years. Up until now our only experiences have been at Hedo, a couple parties and clubs. The more anonymous places like parties and clubs we tended to stay with ourselves and had sex in public. At Hedo we were able to invest some time in becoming friends with new people and that allowed us to do more soft swap as well as getting us invited to a house party where we all had a great time.

Now fast forward to this weekend and we had a great first meet with a couple we matched with online. First time we’ve gone this route. Great conversation, a little flirting, we all agreed to meet again. While I’m a green light at this point, my wife isn’t quite there yet. She definitely needs more flirting and interest from the other guy before going further. Pretty sure she can be classified as demisexual, which probably plays a role. She needs more of a connection first to be sure.

We proposed another vanilla get together to see if we can figure out their play styles, maybe some more flirting, try to turn the conversation a little more sexual and go from there. Wouldn’t rule out moving to playing on the second date but given where we’re at it doesn’t seem likely yet.

So my question, when meeting online from scratch where you have no friends or experiences in common, how long would you give it before deciding if you’re moving through with play? We imagined it might take us a couple vanilla dates first to decide. Is this reasonable? Are most people jumping right in? Or is it ok to take a couple dates first to establish comfort? How do you manage an imbalance in interest in a new couple? Should we jump ship if it’s not an immediate yes?

Anonymous sex and being immediately DTF has never really been our thing and it feels different and a lot more private (maybe almost intimidating?) meeting couples one on one than being at a club where the environment is so different. We’re definitely interested but also don’t want to waste people’s time or even worse force something that turns into a disaster.