36F here. For background, I’ve always had some levels of insecurities (and weight fluctuations) that my husband has always been great at helping me overcome. It started with general comfort in my own skin gradually and let you a good amount of comfort at relaxation with nudism. At one point, I got in pretty great shape and was finally believing what he said he sees in me and we had a lot of very open discussions between us about fantasies and realities.

That led to an MFM threesome that I directed, a one on one encounter for me that was a sort of hot wife scenario, some sexting partners and fellow perverts (non-derogatory), and then a bunch of agreed upon unfulfilled fantasies and experiences ended up on hold when we got pregnant.

We transitioned into the family planning/starting roles and between kids would revisit and try to explore some of what we hadn’t crossed off our list but between covid and kids, not much came to fruition.

Now through the lens of present day, I’m trying to get back on shape but am pretty close to an all time high of insecurity. I’m still breastfeeding so my hormones are off which is messing with my drive and preventing me (I think) from reclaiming my body. At the moment, i have fantasies but I don’t have a ton of interest or drive in making fantasies into realities. Among the things I’m struggling with mentally is that when we sexually adventured in our past, my brain told me it was a thing for young/hot people to do and that I wasn’t going to want to be older with kids living a kind of double life for the sexual taboo. I know my husband still wants to and at times I feel guilty like I’m holding him back and it might be driving a wedge to make us further apart.

Has anyone walked this path? How do you get back on track to living your true sexual desires? How can I get my body and my swagger back? I’ll likely have follow up questions but I wanted to get the gist of it out and anyone feeling wise can weigh in…