How’s the rest of your social life? Do you still maintain vanilla friendships? If there is room for enriching that you might not be so pressured to find it in the lifestyle. I know lifestyle people are more fun but having a balance is good. It’s healthy to maintain friendships where you don’t have to 100% focus on how sexy you look, what do they still think of you, are you still going to play again at some point, etc. It can be a lot for some people to manage. I will say though there’s plenty of us LS also looking for friends, but spending too much time trying to find it is not good in the long run.

To answer your last question, we’re lucky in that one of our first couples turned into great friends with interests so similar we’re always finding fun things to do, even travel together, or just hang out and talk. The play opportunities have become few and far between though to the point where my wife is starting to question “are they still into me?” It has started messing with her confidence a bit. Maybe it’s time for us to be more direct next time we hang out and potentially for me to flirt more again with the other woman and see if we can interest them more. But then the question of what next if they say no, it’s a bit of a rejection in itself. And then it potentially hurts more coming from friends. So we’re branching out and still trying to set up the next meet with someone new.

It gets a little more complicated but we’re still happy with what we have for now. I can see why some people say they’re not interested in friends, but for us we need at least some level of caring to even pursue anything lifestyle, even though we’re not poly. Our social calendar isn’t so busy otherwise that we’re too good to be friends with people we want to have sex with!