TLDR: I thought my wife had better sex with someone else. Turns out it was memorable but not better. I've learned what contributed to it being great and what wasn't a factor.

Sorry for the click bait-ish title. My wife had an experience this past weekend involving solo play with the husband of a couple we've briefly played with before (this isn't a post to debate solo play as this could apply in a group situation as well). I saw the video afterward and my immediate reaction was, "she's enjoying that more than she does with me". She was making comments to him that clearly indicated she loved it. "That was awesome!" "This is amazing!" Along with lots of curse words, groans, etc. that were a bit louder and more primal than with me while she came multiple times. She squirted (which she has only done twice before and never with me). She gushed about the experience afterward to me where she was almost glowing, "I squirted all over the place". She texted a LS friend of hers and said, "Girl it was incredible". My amygdala monkey-brain was in hyperdrive causing quite a bit of stress and anxiety this week. Logically, I know that I'm her person. Logically, I know that I've wanted her to have an experience like this for some time. She reassured me that it was great but nothing like she gets at home. She'd agree it was memorable, but wouldn't call it better. But in order to process things, I needed to know WHY it was so good for her. It was time for me to learn.

After quite a bit of talking with her, rewatching the video, and processing things, let me first talk about what it was NOT:

- His cock - He was maybe an inch longer than me but probably not quite as much girth. She said she noticed while giving a blow job but it was not noticeable at all during sex. This was a non-factor.

- Sexual technique - while he tried a few positions that we don't normally do, my wife didn't really get off on any of them. She'd described them as "fun" and "different" but nothing earth shattering. Every time, she came it was in her go to position of cowgirl. She came 3-4 times over the course of about 5 hours with about 75 minutes of that being actual play time. She routinely cums 3-4 times with me in ten minutes. I know her buttons and she knows how to move with me to cum quickly.

- Attractiveness - I'm objectively more physically attractive than this play partner.

- Stamina - I debated putting this here as a non-factor. While she does enjoy when I guy can keep playing off and on for hours and cum multiple times, and it definitely contributed to this experience for her, she's had bad experiences with guys going too long and has said that great sex doesn't have to take forever.

So why was it so good for her? Here is what I've learned (or been reminded of):

- Anticipation - this is probably the biggest thing. This play date was hinted at 3 months ago and formally set up about a month ago. In the week leading up to the date, there were flirty text messages daily. On the day of, there was flirty messages every hour or two. She sent a message two hours before saying, "Do you have any massage oil? I can pick some up on the way.? It had her mind racing and all she could do was think about what was about to happen. Lesson learned: While it is very hard to build think kind of anticipation in a 20 year marriage, I need to look for ways to introduce new experiences that we can anticipate for days/weeks. That isn't likely to happen on for Tuesday night maintenance sex, but that could be a simply kissing for a bit longer before heading to work that morning and sending flirty messages throughout the day hinting at what's to come that evening.

- Eliminating distractions / unwinding time - she met him about 4pm and they spent an hour just catching up and having a drink. The talk was fairly vanilla. It gave her time to unwind from her busy work day and settle into just focusing on the current moment. That relaxation time was key. Lesson learned: I need to work to build in time for her to just relax and unwind. Maybe that's a relaxing bath. Maybe a glass of wine. The challenge here is that with him the talk was fun and light. With me, she has a tendency to unload about her frustrations of the day because she trusts me and needs that outlet. I'll have to find the balance between lettering her unload vs. dwelling on the stressful thoughts of the day. I also need to find opportunities for us to have more extended time to relax, unwind, and much more slowly move toward play.

- Focus on a single play partner - it was very clear that the sex was way more intense and better for her in a solo play situation compared to group play or a same room couple swap. This wasn't surprising and makes sense. She could focus on the sensations in her body and only about pleasing the partner in front of her. That really helped her get out of her head and into her body. Lesson learned: not really a lesson learned here but it has led to lots of talk this week about the pros/cons of group play, same room couple swaps, and separate room or solo play. Turns out my wife's favorite is a puppy pile group play scenario where this is much more laughter, giggling, reassuring glances, playful stroking of those around you, etc. The intensity of the solo play situation isn't something she said she wants to do regularly. The sex was great but it was clearly a much different experience. We're still working through this. I think there may be some residual guilt on her end for enjoying it so much without me really involved. I'm working to reassure her that this is perfectly ok and doesn't take away from us.

- Build-up and slow progress - Once they went upstairs, he slowly stripped her down and gave her about a 45-minute massage. She described it as "fairly vanilla". She said he didn't touch her breasts or pussy. After 45 minutes both of them were very aroused in anticipation (there's that word again). Once they started to actually play, it was another 30-45 minutes before penetration. At the moment of penetration she was practically begging for it. It was the culmination of all of the build-up. He went from penetration back to fingering her. Turns out that this was the biggest factor in her squirting (along with "anticipation" above). Lesson learned: She's complained about other guys in the LS "going for the main course too quickly". I'm guilty of that as well when it's a random weekday and we have limited time to play. While that is ok sometimes, I need to look for more opportunities to "body worship" her like she likes. She's got an amazing body that I don't spend enough time exploring. There are times when I'm guilty of moving too quickly and it's more laziness and habit on my part than a time constraint.

So after a week of processing things, I've come to a conclusion. I believe her when she says it wasn't better than with me. However, that really doesn't matter. What matters is that I appreciate that she had an amazing experience that was definitely MEMORABLE (not better). What matters is that I, along with her help, figure out ways to learn from the experience to be a better lover for her and for other play partners. Isn't that really what this LS is all about?