We are couple (fm 31) that have been married for a long time (highschool sweethearts) and have been discussing the idea of swinging for the past year.

Both of us have essentially only ever had sex with each other, and we are still relatively young, fit, and attractive. So the idea of trying new experiences with others has intrigued us for some time.

That said, we can't find the right small-steps to successfully get past the "fear of the unknown". We have a really strong relationship with very open communication around sex (we can watch porn together, talk about our fantasies openly, etc.). We've gone to a couples therapist who specialized in non-monogamy. We've even been to a couple of play parties where we chatted, watched for a bit, and played with each other.

But the act of actually interacting physically with other people is difficult as it seems impossible to predict how it will feel for each of us or how the other will react to seeing it.

So getting to our question. He bought her a realistic dildo last year which helped him really discover that he likely has a bit of a hotwife kink and has helped him be more open to trying the "real" thing.

So she's considering getting a realistic masturbator (Fleshlight?) for him to see if it has a similar effect or not.

Has anyone used a toy like this as an entry way to swinging fantasies? Any other ideas?

We of course don't expect toys to be like the real thing, where other people's emotions, needs, and behaviors are involved. But anything to step in that direction would be helpful.