I am in my mid 30s. I have mostly been in open or poly relationships since I was 22, with mixed results. I have been a bull and a unicorn. I started dating my current partner 3 years ago , about a month or 2 before moving to Europe for work. During that time we were both interested in polyamory and I expressed that was my ideal relationship style, and they said they were into it too (they were in a triad at the time). That triad fell apart because it was long distance, and 2 of the people got closer to each other. One of the people still kept in touch with my partner and continued to support them up until maybe a year ago. They are all still friends. Anyway, my partner got struck with late stage cancer, so their whole life was turned upside down. During that time, our relationship became more and more monogamous (first it was: no solo dating while we live together, and as of a year ago, they said we should be monogamous while they go through cancer treatment, which ended in the spring. We are monogamous, though most of that time it's been long distance). I guess I misunderstood what they meant when they said "during treatment" because I thought that must meant chemo, radiation, and rehab, and I travelled back to the US to be with them during parts of all of those 3 stages. Anyway, there's ongoing stuff they have to go through, like check ups and medications for the next 10 years. Meanwhile, they tell me they want to have kids and their clock is ticking, and also they say they resent me for not being there the whole time during all the treatment (I'm in school overseas) and they also resent my job and the people I associate with as a result of it (though it's something they used to do and have friends who currently do it). They scream and cry that they just want a normal, stable, monogamous relationship with someone near by, and originally I was taking them literally and would say, "I want you to have that! You live in a big city, please find someone who can take care of those needs." But now I realize they were just saying they want that with ME alone, and kind of want me to quit school and change my whole lifestyle. We have gone on a double date for halloween a year or so ago and they didn't really like the couple, we have gone to some poly mixers also to mixed results. I really like that swinging seems to be an activity that is done by two people who love each other, and want each other to have different experiences. I feel like I could do swinging or polyamory because I don't have to have an emotional attachment to want to have sex, which is something they say they need. But it's confusing, because it was Halloween this year and a few days before it, they brought up doing a double date again and I was like sure! Then they said they are overwhelmed by apps like feeld etc and wouldn't know where to start so I said hey, let's put a pin in it and save it for XMas (when we have a trip out of town planned). Am I just in denial of a relationship that fundamentally can't work? I don't think I wanna have sex with only this one person for the rest of my life! Anyway, I'm curious to know how you (if you're in a relationship) started swinging.

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