My gf (36) and I (M32) have been slowly dipping ours toes into swinging. She's experienced with swinging and I am a total noobie. I've learned so much from this subreddit and by listening to my gf's advice and perspectives.

In the past 8 months, we've made it a point to go to a local swingers party at least once a month. When we first attended a party I came in with sky-high expectations and no patience.

I was quickly humbled when I learned firsthand that meeting the right people to play with takes time and can't be rushed. As silly as it might sound, I also learned that swinger parties aren't wild sex fests, they are mostly just relaxed hangout spots for open people.

After our first party, I left feeling defeated that we hadn't met anybody. I'm not even sure what I was expecting, but whatever BS plan I'd built up in my head clearly hadn't worked, and I was a petulant child about it.

My gf was quick to put me in my place, she told me,

"This lifestyle requires trust, patience, and maturity. I trust you completely, but the patience and maturity are lacking. Get out of your head and just go with the flow."

My ego was bruised but she was correct. The next day I looked up this subreddit, started learning, and began to settle into the "flow".

At our next swinger party I came in with zero expectations. While there I was fortunate to meet an older couple, we'll call them Dan and Debi. They are in their 60's, married for 30 years, and have been swinging for almost 15 years.

Even though it felt awkward at first, I asked Dan and Debi if I could ask them for advice. Being new to swinging and hoping to one day have a long-term marriage like theirs, I hoped they'd have wisdom to impart. Luckily, they were flattered by me asking and they shared this nugget of wisdom with me,

"Radically communicate about everything. Hold nothing back from your partner and give her the safety and space to share everything with you. Remember, at the end of the day you are going home with each other. Other people are fun, but you two are forever."

I took that advice and ran with it. From that point onward my gf and I have been communicating like never before and we haven't looked back.

After that second party, we began to approach parties with only two goals:

1. Prioritize fun with each other over everything.
2. Meet new people, hopefully make friends.

We completely removed sexual goals of any kind from our minds and really found a rhythm with each other. Parties since we've approached them like this have been great. Although we weren't vibing sexually with other couples, we were making friends, and having a blast jist being us.

That changed last month.

Last month we met Eric and Eva. I was immediately attracted to Eva and my gf felt the same towards Eric. We made a nervous approach, introduced ourselves, and had relaxed albeit occasionally awkward conversation.

We didn't flirt much but the vibes between us all were very positive. We parted ways on friendly terms and hoped we'd see each other again at the next party.

Fast forward to today and my gf and I are getting our Halloween party freak on. While navigating my way through a crowd, I feel someone tap me on the shoulder, it's Eric and he's beaming,

"Hey OP! It's so good to see you guys!"

"It's great to see you too! Are you here with your lady or flying solo tonight?" I replied.

"Eva's here too and she'll be excited that you're here." Eric pointed towards where Eva was across the room and the four of us all linked up.

The conversation between us flowed so well. We didn't get too heavy, but we did talk lightly about sexual things. Kinks we all share in common and elements of BDSM we incorporate into our sex lives.

There was some light flirting between us all, and at the end of the night Eva insisted on hugging both my gf and I. I was even brave enough to ask for their contact info this time.

We agreed to meet up for drinks sometime soon, "just as friends". Who knows how that will go, and maybe we will only ever be just friends, but it was a positive sign that everything felt natural and went so smoothly.

My gf and I spent our whole hour long car ride home being giddy over how cute they are and how fun it was to talk to them. I've learned my lesson though, and as fun as this night was, I know that things can change in an instant and I won't set any expectations.

I'll continue to "go with the flow" wherever it takes me. When the time is right for us to play with another couple, it will be right. Getting to flow beside the woman I love is such a privilege and I'm very grateful for these positive nights.

Thanks for reading, I have no one in my life I can share these thoughts with so I really appreciate a space like this.