So my Husband and I have been open/swinging for four years. Originally I brought up opening up, but at first he wasn’t interested, then years later he enthusiastically wanted to give it a try. We started with swinging and then eventually started seeing people solo. That ended up being a disaster, he was falling in love with another partner and I had a complete breakdown and asked us to close the relationship. Hubby was distraught to end things with other partner but he did and he’s been very supportive since, affirming that our marriage and relationship is his priority.

The thing is I still want to swing, as does he, so we never really stopped. We both really enjoy sexual connections with other people, and really love the socializing with lifestyle friends and going to a local club and parties etc. It feels like a big part of our social life. We’ve agreed that dating people solo is just playing with fire and it’s too hard on everyone emotionally, but swinging feels “safer” since we’re both there together it doesn’t feel like we’re forming “intimate” or “romantic” bonds with others (more like close friendships).

At the same time I have to be honest that it feels like there’s downsides to swinging for me, emotionally. I’m still hurt that my husband had such intense feelings for another woman and I think it’s caused greater insecurities in myself. We’re working through this “hurt feelings” part with a lot of deep talks the two of us and with a couples counselor. Got an individual counselor to work on the ME STUFF. But when it comes to swinging the problem is I can have a truly great night where we play with another couple (foursome/group style or same room full swap) and I’m unfazed by him literally having sex with someone else but then later the way he wants to basically brag about how great the sex was for whatever reason or how hot she was or whatever I just feel either super sad or super angry. He knows I don’t enjoy actually hearing any like details of his experiences because I’ve shared before this makes me uncomfortable but he can’t seem to help himself but gush later on even weeks or months later about how great something was and I’m just really sick of hearing it. I’ve tried flipping the script on him and going on and on about my escapades and he doesn’t love it lol. But honestly that’s just not my style and it feels exhausting trying to purposely brag about how good I got fucked to prove a point because he doesn’t like to hear that either. I WISH our dynamic was like that of the swingers where they are so turned on by their partner with other lovers that even hearing about it turns them on but I’ve never felt this way and neither does hubby.

So like actual sex with other people, not a problem, but talking about said sex is a problem. Tried telling him how I feel in emotional breakdowns, he says “Oh ok I totally understand and will do better” but then he doesn’t. I’ve tried yelling at him to shut the fuck up and that actually did work for like a week but then he reverted back. Ugh. Am I just not cut out for this anymore? Seriously would feel like losing a lot of friends and a big part of our social lives to step away.