My wife and I are still in the curiosity phase but I’m further along than she is. We have very open conversations about what things might be like if were to actually get into the LS. We sometimes look at pictures of swinger couples and talk about whether or not we’d be into them. I say “yes” to a wide variety of women, because I’m a guy, I’m honest, and part of the entire reason to swing is to get with a variety of sexy people.

She’s much more into the idea of swinging for the group sex aspect, particularly MFM play, which simply needs another person involved. She keeps saying she only would want to get with a second guy who basically looks like me.

But I kinda call BS here. For context, I’m average height, short hair, no beard, kind of a dad bod. I know there are certain things about me where she genuinely would be turned off by the opposite – but I know the celebrities she fantasizes about. They often talk, have long hair, beards, and a muscular build.

I assume one or more of the following is going on:

1. She wants to avoid making me feeling jealous, although I’ve talked all about compersion, and how I WANT her to have the experience of a variety of men. For some reason, she’s uncomfortable with the idea of me NOT being jealous.

2. She is insecure about my finding other types of women attractive and is saying what she wants ME to say, but I refuse to be dishonest about what I’d like to get out of swinging, because I know complete honesty is the only way swinging works. I do emphasize that she’s the only one I love and how awesome it is that she’s the one I’d get to go home with every night.

3. She’s being dishonest with herself (not intentionally) and still not letting go of the whole “monogamy as repressive social construct” idea. She doesn’t mean to lie, but the social meme of nonmonogamy being wrong is still too entrenched. Deep down, she really does want to have sex with a variety of guys but sort of instinctively sticks to the “party line” that your husband should be the only person you’re sexually attracted to.

I’m really curious to hear from women who might have struggled a bit to get through this phase. I’m sure my wife is not the only one. Did you tell your husband something similar? What finally made you OK with acknowledging otherwise? Were you even conscious about possibly being dishonest about not wanting to be with other types of men, or did it truly feel at the time like it was true?