My husband (48m) and I (49f) have been together for 12 years, but we have been ENM of some sort for most of our adult lives. We've been swinging for about 6 years, so with our histories, we've had our brains wrapped around most things ENM for a while. We understand the rules and boundaries and respect that newbies are still testing the waters. We go at the lowest comfort level of the group.

My husband is a dream in the sack. He's read books, experimented, asked questions and listens to just about every sex educational podcast he can find. We've tried about every position we know of and some we think up. I am practicing pompoir and also do my share of education. We put a lot of effort in in the gym and kitchen so we not only look good naked but perform good naked. We put extra effort into making sure we are at least adequate in bed.

My problem is, I no longer am even remotely happy to get in all fours and get mindlessly railed as fast and hard as the darling gentleman, who is trying to put on a good show, can. I want skillset.

You can hardly ask the guy, "So..... are you actually good in the sack?" That would be rude and wouldn't really work because no guy will bow out exclaiming the are just in it for the nut alone.

I started posting on our profile that I'm looking for sensuality and passion. When we do meet up with a couple, I'm very clear that I'm looking for next level. And no, we absolutely do NOT wanting a romantic relationship, we just want mind blowing sex with great long term friendships.

My questions are, 1. How important is skillset to you?
2. Are we in the wrong bend of ENM for wanting quality over quantity? 3. How do you say on your profile that you are looking for a deeper level of pleasure and are not a walking fleshlight to be jack-rabbited into the bed?
4. Please, if you have any books or skillsets (pompoir was a game changer for me) that can be learned to increase our ability to rock their worlds, please do post them! We are ever looking into elevating our own well of knowledge.

Final note: please ask before DMing. Seriously.