Totally new here. Go easy on me.

My wife (42F) and I (43M) have had some great fantasy discussions recently that have involved couple swapping. I would definitely be down for this. However, she has a mindset of “if it happens it happens” and does not seem to want to take any active steps toward exploring this.

This all started with a fun fantasy discussion between my wife and I about swapping with a couple fun friends of ours. We haven’t mentioned this fantasy directly to them, but have a really fun flirty banter with them. We even went on a weekend trip with them and my wife and I joked about “what are the chances of a foursome?” Well it didn’t happen, and afterwards she even said that she was a little disappointed that it didn’t happen.

I’ve been trying to understand her more. I’ve suggested all the usual things I’ve read about: go to a local lifestyle club and just watch to get a sense of the vibe, sign up for an app and see who we might match with, visit a lifestyle friendly resort on a trip, look up a local group. Each of these things she is very much against as either “gross” or “creepy”.

I’ve even offered to have a 1:1 discussion with the husband directly, candidly letting him know about our fantasies to see if they’d be down for it. But at this suggestion she got pretty upset and asked me not to.

She tells me that she only feels a physical attraction when she has a strong emotional bond and high trust built up. That’s what we have with this couple. I realize that may not be conducive to swinging, but was curious how others navigate this.

She is insistent that she actually wants to try this someday, but can’t articulate what would have to be true for her to want to go for it. I suspect a conservative and religious background has left her feeling like “nice girls aren’t swingers”. She doesn’t even want to describe her fantasy as swinging.

Are there any resources for couples that are curious, but offer safe and secure ways to step into this? Even just to learn more about what couples do that navigate this successfully. Especially starting out and exploring.