Last year my wife and I organically experienced our first taste of swinging with some close friends of ours due to a little too much booze. Out the 6 adults I was the least involved because I was, at that time, suffering from a kidney stone and was delegated to be on kid watch. The other 5 (my wife included) played until the drinks started to take a negative effect on the group, which killed the vibe. Since that initial experience, my wife and I discussed the possibility of expanding our sexuality into the swinging world, but we wanted to take it slow and make sure we were secure before anything serious goes down. Which we did, and continue to have, and were hoping to have a real conversation about swinging with the other 2 couples, but before we were able to we found out 6 months after the fact that they had already engaged in swinging together (4-some) without us or even letting us know. I do understand that them “keeping it a secret” is not necessarily bad or wrong, but we do have a close relationship with them and it felt dishonest and like they were intentionally hiding from us.

After they let us know what was happening (without us) I had a strong feeling that it was not going to end well because they did not seem to be on the same page, and low and behold they were not and it blew up in all our faces. Being that my wife and I were not directly involved in the situation, we only received information second hand or after the fact, but were told that the “sex” part of that relationship was done and over with. Which was a bummer, but then summer hit and next thing we know we are all in a pool on a Tuesday night drinking some beer, and touching each other…a lot. So this drove me to think we are all going to be able to enjoy swinging together with no strings attached. Well turns out I was wrong, they started sleeping together again while continuing to tell us nothing until it ruins not 1 but 2 group camping trips this summer because the other 2 wives were fighting about jokes made regarding swingers clubs.

My wife still wants to move forward with swinging with me but is now more hesitant about it because of what we have experienced over the last year. Is it normal to swing with close friends? Or did they break a major taboo of swinging sleeping with each other? Is there any advice for newbies to this community and maybe advice to help our current framily group situation?