Wifey here (F47). We had a date scheduled this weekend with a potential third (M30) for a MMF experience. The goal was to enact a “sexy stranger” fantasy, but not in a club setting. We had both vetted him, provided and received recent test results, stated and agreed upon boundaries, cleanliness, etc.

It should be mentioned that this young man behaved exceedingly well during our conversations, doing his utmost to reassure my husband, taking detailed notes about what we were into and not into, always being respectful but communicative. Even though he is very French and struggles a bit in English, he managed to chat in English rather well. It appeared to be perfect for our goals.

The day before the meetup, hubby messages him with reminders about time, place and cleanliness. Randomly, I receive a private message with two voice messages in them, both in French. 😐 I listened to them with a sinking feeling in my stomach. In his messages, the guy was asking if it was ok for him not to shave his chest hair completely because he really feels more viril with some hair on his chest, but promises to shave everything else. I wasn’t too happy he was writing to me personally because hubby had been the one to handle all the chatting and I just came into the group chat he created. I believe my mistake was to continue the discussion in that private conversation instead of bringing him back to the group convo. 🤦🏻‍♀️ I simply responded that it was ok with me and could we meet just an hour later.

We left our phones for the evening but when we returned, he had sent me another 3 long messages explaining that since his recent separation from his ex, he feels unsexy and has gained weight so he tends to hide behind the body hair but he promises that “with time and patience” he will feel more at ease with us and could eventually shave it all…he then kept talking and talking about all kinds of personal issues, which he clearly hasn’t resolved yet but really wanted to share with me, personally.

As much as I felt empathy for this man and his insecurities, I also felt profoundly uncomfortable with the situation because I felt he had broken our boundary about private messaging, and did it in a language he knows my husband doesn’t speak. As much as I hated being the flake, I asked hubby to pull the plug on the date, 24 hours before it was to begin. 😞

When do you find it appropriate to pull the plug on a date? What would justify that kind of action?