Long post seeking advice. I apologize for any typos, I just was telling a story and autocorrwct sometimes hates me. I appreciate anyone who reads the whole thing, and all options on this are appreciated even if I don't get a chance to respond to them all.

My wife 23F and I 23M have been together for 8 years now. We both met in highschool when we were 15. To this day we have been eachothers only sexual partners. We have the perfect relationship between her and I and everything is great. Our only issue is having sex. Her sex drive is considerably higher than mine, where I like it maybe twice a week, but she is into it every single day, sometimes more than once a day. This leads to her feeling rejected by me whenever I'm not in the mood. So one day she casually mentioned that she wouldn't mind kissing other people. My brain instantly imagined her making out with another woman, and that's something that'd I'd love to see. The issue is that she has no interest (or experience) with women because again, we are eachothers only sexual experience. So nothing happened but little bit by little bit the topic of swinging crept up until we were fully and openly talking about it, but never actually planning it out. We spoke very openly about everything, but my horny brain didn't want to hear the fact that she wasn't into women, but I had convinced myself that she was. We started watching 'Swinger Mansion' from playboy and really got into it, talking about everything we would do in the show and how we have so much trust between us that none of it would be an issue. I went away for 2 months for some schooling, and the time apart really made us both sexually charged, while also talking about swinging. We went to some swinger sites and actually paid money to sign up. Online we spoke with some couples and actually agreed to meet up with one, although it kinda fell through because they stopped texting and so did we. The spark just kinda died off but nothing bad happened. We went back to our normal lives, and we didn't really mention swinging again for a long time. Here's the part where the mess up starts, and where the story gets interesting. Her best friend F22, we will call her Mary, starts texting my wife more often. I met Mary at the same time I met my wife and we were all friends in highschool. Mary has always been the scandalous one, going from boyfriend to boyfriend, wearing revealing clothing, and was even working towards being a Boudoir photographer. She often sent photos of herself, in lingerie, to my wife. My wife would sometimes show me, and my brain fired back to the swinging and I instantly pictured the three of us in bed. My wife seemed to show me a lot of photos of her, and since we were all friends I'd often text Mary on my own (never anything inappropriate), just as friends. But Mary would often video call my wife, sometimes while Mary was in the shower. Normally my wife would turn her phone away, but this time we both sat there talking to Mary while she showered, occasionally turning around and we could clearly see her toppless. My wife and I gave eachother a look, like oops her nipples are out, but kept talking like nothing. This goes on for some time, but that, along with another videocall where Mary was trying on some VS panties that she got for us while we were watching telling her how cute she looked, were the most notable events. After the videocall where she was trying on the panties, I immediately wanted to have sex with my wife, which didn't go well. My wife started rejecting me and crying because she thought I only wanted to have sex right then because I wanted to have sex with Mary. This of course was partially true as you can imagine. Fast forward again by about 6 months, no dedicated plans of swinging but it would sometimes pop up in conversations where we would both fully agree that we would be okay with a full hard swap. But again, never any plans to actually do it came up. Here is where my wife and I start to go down different paths. She is more into swinging for men and not for women at all, and I'm into swinging to see my wife with another woman, I wanted to aswell but if I just got to watch I'd be 100% satisfied. I've never been very secure with myself and with how I look (5'7, 180 pounds, 6 inches down there) so I, especially being her only, didn't want to "compete" with another man because I felt that I would lose. This is 100% on me and my insecurities, I now fully understand that Swinging has nothing to do with competition, but at the time I didn't. I was much more interested in a polygamous relationship with another woman. In comes Mary. In my head I imagined the perfect scenario, and I'm sure you can already see where this is going eventhough I didn't at the time. I wanted a relationship where Mary, my wife and I were all together. I, having the lower sex drive, wouldn't have to worry about pleasuring my wife all the time because her and Mary could go to town whenever they wanted, and of course what guy wouldn't want 2 women for himself. So she wanted to swing, with men(as again my brain ignored), and I wanted a poly relationship. I mentioned this to her, excluding Marys name, just saying in general and she had no interest. Fast forward again, about another month later with very minimal conversation about it, I really f'ed up. I got an email from the swinging site that my wife and I signed up for saying to come back for 50% off. I brought it up to her over text while she was at work, and she said no, she was not currently interested. Me being selfish and thinking with the wrong head, I wanted to get what I wanted from both a selfish prospective, and I genuinely thought it would be good to invite Mary to our relationship for finances, sexual pleasure, and my wife would never be lonely (I work a lot with a rotating shift so she was home alone a lot). So, I messed Mary, this time with not Pure intents so I was cheating on my wife. The conversation in and of itself wasn't terrible, I complimented her too much, trying to show her that I was interested in being more than friends, but without being blatant, I've thought about this but Mary was obviously in the dark that I thought about her sexually at all. So we had some flirtatious banter, with me telling her how beautiful she was and that she made me feel like I was glowing inside, and she said that she didn't look pretty, making me compliment her even more. That genuinely all that happened, so on paper nothing bad happened, but I was still violating the trust of my wife. The truth always comes out and little did I know, that while I was messaging Mary, her new boyfriend (less than a month) had her tablet and was going through it reading our messages. He texted in the chat "Stop messaging my girl bro", my heart sank. I panicked, deleted the messages, blocked her on instagram (where all of this texting was taking place) and spent the next few hours hoping that Mary was able to talk to her boyfriend and say something, idk, something that wouldn't get me divorced. When my wife came home that night I didn't have the heart to tell her that I texted someone else with sexual intent (for reference we live in Virginia while deployed with the Navy, and Mary lives in Colorado, so honestly there was no physical contact, nor was there a chance for it). I'd hope that there was some miracle and that this would never be brought up. My wife and I went to sleep, and the next morning there was a text from on my wife's phone from Mary's boyfriend, explaining that it seemed like I was flirting with Mary, and that my wife needs to get me under control. So shorten what is already a terribly long post, emotional turmoil followed and we are here today, 7 months after all this happened. We have slowly rebuild trust, to the point where we have regular sex, can bring up what happened without any major emotions coming out, and I actively go to therapy and we have mostly worked though it. So again I cheated, but both I and my wife agree that it was more a violation and breaking of trust, then to actually use the work Cheating.

Now we are pretty much back to normal, with only a few emotional moment coming up few and far between. I've matured a lot through therapy and I can better see her side of things (from her pov those video calls with Mary were 100% innocent and not an invitation to "look", or a hidden message that she wanted it). We have a very strong relationship, I can't emphasize that enough, in the past 8 years the story above has been our only issue ever, no yelling no fighting but peace all the time. So here is my long awaited question and seeking of advice. What do we do from here? Should I bring back up swinging, or take if off the table? From those experienced in this, will I look at her the same way after she has had sex with another man, or would that be too much? Just in general, what should I do now. I still am very interested in swinging and I'd still love to see her with another woman, but I know this probably won't happen.

(P.s. I know I'm wrong for what I did and i take full blame, but I'm seeking advice on how to move forward with the lifestyle if at all)