We were swingers for close to 8 years. We enjoyed meeting new people and doing whatever with them. It started off just watching and being watched, then it went to soft swinging, then full swap.

She enjoyed the attention and liked how it boosted her self confidence. The other women were nice for me, but my real draw was meeting new people that were obviously into my wife, then seeing her in action and watching her enjoy herself. There were times when we'd just get a single guy or she'd do her own thing with a guy she liked.

It was awesome knowing my wife was the sort of woman that would do those things. Our sex life outside of swinging was incredible because of it. She looks amazing and we have a deep, deep relationship that's decades old, so I never needed any help having desire for her, but seeing another man enjoy her raised my attraction to her to so much more.

I honestly can't tell you how she decided she wanted to stop. It just happened one night when we were talking about a new couple we were planning to meet. She just said she didn't want to do it anymore.

That's been many, many years ago now. I was upset, and still am, but it's less about me losing the options with other women than it is about her not being THAT woman anymore. She told me (and continues to tell me) I could do things on my own with other people, but in the 7 years since we've stopped, I haven't done anything. It's not about me... it's about what we were, and what she was to me, when we were doing it.

I can't fault her for stopping, but I can't really grasp why someone would stop doing something they enjoyed either. When I try to understand why she stopped, she admits she had fun doing it and didn't feel anything was wrong about it. The best I get out of her is that she just feels she matured out of it. She says it felt "trashy".

We didn't do it often, maybe 2-3 times a year if we were lucky. I bring it up every now and then and say it wouldn't be so bad once in a blue moon, right? You enjoyed it... Let's go have a little fun, but she gets offended and defensive and it turns into a fight if I try to seek more clarity.

Naturally, I feel as if I can't mention it, and I'm not trying to get her to do anything she doesn't want to do. It's been 7 years since she let me know she wanted to stop and we've done nothing since then, so I clearly know how to respect limits. I'm not some manipulative asshole wanting to force her to do something she doesn't want to do.

It's just so confusing to me... she will openly admit it would be fun to do it again! My head is always spinning trying to figure out her logic and I miss that part of us so much. I can't help it and I bring it up once or twice a year.

I think we should be able to have an open dialogue about it... I mean I've seen her spread her legs open and take another man inside her while she smiles at me and have watched her bring another man to orgasm with her mouth while I've been having sex with his wife... I think our relationship is strong enough that we can handle talking about it.

She gets so defensive when I bring it up though... Am I an asshole for doing that?