My wife and I have a bit of experience (about a year in). The club scene isn’t for us so we typically meet singles and couples on the apps. Recently met a couple who is brand new and really hit it off on the couple of vanilla dates we went on. The attraction is there all ways it seems, we have a good time hanging out, the group chat is spicing up. This really, for what we are looking for, is an ideal situation.

They being new, we really wanted to dig into what they are looking for and be very specific about boundaries before hopping into the sexy bit. In talking to them it seems they aren’t totally on the same page. My wife and I only play same room, preferably same bed. And really a group situation, as opposed to straight swap, appeals to us more- but that last bit is not required at all. Having the ability to both watch (to enjoy!) and go back to our partner if we need a reconnection during the experience it’s important for us.

In discussing their preferences with them the wife seems totally amenable to this (the same room/bed stuff at least) and the husband has some reservations and has said “he would try it out because he just doesn’t know”. It seems the idea of that closeness makes him uncomfortable and he keeps saying “he is trying to get make the idea of that work in his mind”. Last time we hung out we thought a baby step might be parallel play in the same bed (or at least close) to which he said “we discussed that and it doesn’t really do it for us”.

We want to make this work because we really are attracted to them and have a good time. Is it dangerous to just jump into this, keeping the lines of communication open during play, despite this unsure-ness on his behalf? Or is that a bad idea? My hunch is he is overthinking this and just needs to get over the hump and realize that same room (doesn’t even need to be super close) won’t bother him

TLDR: my wife and I met great sexy couple, everyone seems to want to play, in discussing their boundaries they don’t quite seem to be on the same page- husband has hang ups about close-ness.