My partner and I (mid-30s) have been dating nonmonogamously for just under a year and while I’ve had a handful of threesomes as a single female, my partner has had years of threesomes, group play, swinging, and more.
I’m interested in doing all of these things with my partner, but have needed some time to wrap my head around the mindset shift of doing this as a single female to doing this with someone I’m emotionally and romantically involved with. When I bring up scenarios / scenes I want to do with him in a threesome or group setting, he typically responds with some variation of he’s already done it and I get deflated because it’s not a first that we’ll experience together. It reminds me how inexperienced I am compared to him, like I have a lot of catching up to do.
Do you have any advice on how to manage not feeling deflated / insecure because my partner is so much more experienced than I am?
Your BF doesn’t sound like he’s worried about your feelings. That’s not going to work in a LS relationship which requires both partners to be even more thoughtful and considerate than a traditional relationship. When my husband and I met, he had been in the LS already with his ex-wife and he’d had about 10x the sexual partners I’d had. So you know what he did? Moved at my pace. He was excited to up my numbers and found situations I’d like. He never talks about past experiences unless I ask him directly or he thinks it’ll help. I never feel anything but enthusiasm from him. That’s the way it should be. I can’t imagine a bigger turn off than feeling like I was just doing the same ol’ boring thing. Honestly, it sounds like he’s just using you as a partner so he isn’t another single guy at the Swingers parties.
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