So, both my wife and myself had a few chats over the past few months and we're interested in taking some first steps into exploring opening up our marriage.

We're mid-40s, both gym fit, on the better side of attractiveness I guess, although we're laid-back, fun and down-to-earth, which is more important to us in the people who we meet than looking like an IG model. She is UK born south-Asian, I'm UK born white.

We're both in a great place, have good communication and already have an excellent sex life, both soft and sensual long sessions, and harder intense quickies depending on the mood. We're both into light BDSM, both switch and a little light impact play, whips, paddles, light slapping. She is bi-leaning and has been with women before.

We have discussed going to a club, which is on our radar, but is there anything other additional steps that people would recommend exploring? I think we both want to ease ourselves in gently and take small steps rather than go all out and find one of us isn't comfortable with how fast things are progressing.

A couple of things we did fall upon which we liked the idea of as maybe a first step,

• Asking someone to join us to watch us have sex as a first stage? Is this a thing? I realise there isn't much in it for the watcher, we would be happy for them, M or F to play with themselves, happy for them to get close to us and possibly touch my wife if she was comfortable with it.

• Also, maybe hiring an escort who specialises in couples? I'm not down with trafficking or coercion of sex workers, but was wondering if an independent escort or therapist service exists who can talk us through things and would act on our boundaries.

Also one additional query, we're quite into light chemsex - weed, 2cb, MDMA things that accentuate feelings rather than alter consciousness or consent.

Is this common in the scene? Or are we better off keeping this for our own private lives?