I'm a 30yr old single male bi guy whose active in the swinging scene as well as on hookup apps. The vast majority of my sexual partners over the last decade have been guys, but I have hooked up with a handful of women from swinging couples and really enjoyed those experiences. I do find women attractive and I like the unique sensation of pussy. I'm pretty much a top and haven't bottomed for many years.

The main reason I've been with mostly guys, is because they're much more accessible for casual sex unless I go to swinging venues during vacations. All of the porn I watch is gay porn. I mostly get a stronger erection or orgasm thinking about guys than girls.

When I'm in a private room with a man or woman, I have no problem getting hard and staying hard for a long period.

But when I'm trying to participate in a public orgy or public sexual activity, I keep experiencing erectile dysfunction caused by performance anxiety. However, it mostly happens to me if I'm getting ready to fuck a woman that is taking turns getting fucked by multiple guys.

Here are some examples of times when I'm able to stay hard during public sexual activity:

• Getting my dick sucked by either a man or woman at a nude sexual beach. Being naked while feeling the sun and breeze on my body relaxes my mind and I'm able to stay hard usually.

• I'm usually able to stay hard in gay orgies, gay bathhouses, etc.

• I've gotten better at relaxing and focusing on my hornyness to stay hard rather than having anxious thoughts when I'm getting my dick sucked by women in an adult club.

So the times I have trouble staying hard is when I'm about to fuck a woman in front of many people. What usually happens is I get hard but as soon as its my turn and I stop jerking my cock and pull out a condom my dick starts immediately going soft and my mind panicks because I feel a time pressure to stick my dick in fast as she is waiting. I've missed 4 opportunities to fuck a woman just in the past week only because I couldn't get hard. It's so frustrating.

I recently seem to have discovered some techniques that help me to stay hard in these situations: A.) Being in a certain environment: I seem to stay hard more easily at a nude beach, in saunas, steam rooms, and swimming pools. I think its because it helps me to relax my mind.

• I hooked up with a woman in the steam room. She got me hard by stroking my dick and then sucking it. I was able to put on a condom and start fucking her doggy style. As soon as I decided to switch positions though my dick started getting soft, so we kind of finished. Later we exited the steam room and found a public sofa in this club. I could not for the life of me get hard to continue fucking her again so I gave up. Even her stroking/sucking didn't help. I'm sure if we went to a private room I would have been fine.

B.) Thinking about guys: Another way, I'm able to stay hard and circumvent the perfomance anxiety is when I start thinking about guys.

• I was in an adult club stroking my soft dick when a woman grabbed it. I thought it was hot, but as she stroked it did not get harder. Then I decided to start remembering the sex I've had with some hot twinks and my dick got hard. I fucked her doggy style in front of others.

• Another technique that helps is looking at the hard dicks of the straight guys and imagining myself sucking them even though I'm not attracted to most of them.

• Lastly a more recent technique I've discovered is imagining myself as being the woman getting fucked. Lately I've had fantasies about being a submissive bottom and getting fucked by many guys even though I know I'm not really able to bottom. So as I'm watching a woman getting fucked I start getting hard. I move in, condom ready to put on, but this guy beats me to it. I remain hard for 10 to 15 minutes as I watch this black guy fuck her, imagining that it is me getting fucked by him, but he is fucking her for so long that eventually I go soft and I leave the club.

The problem is, these techniques of mine are helpful in distracting my mind from perfomance anxiety but eventually they lose their potency. Especially if hours have gone by.

Has any other bi or straight guy been having this sort of problem? How can I fix it? Maybe I've conditioned my mind too much on guys and need to start watching straight porn again?

Tl;dr: You should read the whole thing for context but basically I keep getting erectile dysfunction due to performance anxiety whenever I'm trying to fuck a woman and there are many people watching, but I don't seem to have this problem during public oral sex or in relaxing environments like a nude beach, sauna, steam room, etc, or being in gay orgies. I seem to get more horny thinking about guys than girls. And I never have this problem if I'm in a private room with a man or woman.