Me (f34) and my partner (m41) started looking into swinging a couple of months ago and to start with we had separate accounts. I quickly got bored of vetting through endless thirsty men and deleted my account while I took time to figure out how I felt about it all. My partner deleted his account too, but later decided to make another account that I wasn't aware of.

During that time he continued to talk to other men and pretend I was available. One particular guy wanted to call us and listen to us have sex. Partner actually asked me about this early on and I said no. He continued to entertain this guy though and they swapped numbers and spoke about it over WhatsApp - all without my knowledge.

This guy wasn't even the type of guy we'd shown interest in. He had little to say about himself, didn't have pics to share, and was really pushy and overly explicit. From the messages I seen, I also suspected he's married and playing without his wifes knowledge, which is a hard no for me.

While working away, my partner was sending the guy intimate photos of me without my knowledge or consent. And not even graphic unidentifiable photos, but he sent everyday photos that I'd sent him in confidence, like one of me trying on a new dress. Worse still, he sent him screenshots from sexy videos I'd sent him years ago when I was pregnant, including face pics. You can't tell I'm pregnant in the photos, but my partner knew I was.

I only found out when I went through his phone and saw he'd deleted messages from this guy and the video stills he'd taken. We were supposed to be working on our relationship at the time and being brutally honest with each other but he still tried to hide all this until I confronted him and he owned up to it.

I've been trying to work through it cos I was honestly horrified by it all. I don't think I've ever felt so used and violated. It feels like it's broken something deep inside me. Never in life would I suspect he'd share those images. The pregnancy ones especially seemed so sentimental to him and nobody else had ever seen them. I don't know why he's share these.

I'm really struggling to move past this. I'm very kink- and sex-positive and this is absolutely something we could have explored together in a healthy way. Him going behind my back like that actually scares me and makes me doubt any trust I ever put in him. I don't understand why he wouldn't want to protect me no matter what.

We've put the swinging on hold for now, but even that's an issue for me as it was me who wanted to start it and now I feel that I've had that taken away from me. Like I wanted to go to a swinging club but I ended up coming home before I even went in as I felt deeply unsafe after everything that happened.

Just wondering if anyone has any advice or experience with this that can help us move forward.