My wife and I have been married for 19 years. In late 2023 my wife (41f) began to recognize and accept that she is bisexual. I(40m) had always been interested in an open relationship but hadnāt pursued it. But with her coming out, swinging seemed like a great way for her to be able to explore that side of things. We have been dipping our toes in since January. Sheās been with a couple women separately as have I, and weāve soft swapped with two different couples. I am struggling with seeing her with men. Itās not that I feel insecure or threatened. Our relationship is solid. I just get this sinking feeling in my stomach when I see it happen. Even just seeing her kiss another guy never sits very well. I love seeing her with other women though. The issue is that as weāve discussed this, she feels itās unfair that Iām not very comfortable with her being with men but I still get to be with other women. On one hand I get that, on the other, if we are both getting to play with women whatās so bad about that? Iām not shutting down the idea of her being with men when weāre all together. We continue to pursue couples because that seems to be easier than chasing a unicorn. And although itās been somewhat painful and has caused some intense conversations, I havenāt flat out said I canāt accept it. Itās just not something that I get any enjoyment out of. Maybe what Iām wondering is, Is the way I feel normal? Is there anything I can do that will help me get more on board with her being with another male? Any insight or suggestions would be welcome.
I fully support OPP (one penis policy) if the man is willing to sit down and have this honest conversation.
"Sweetie. I want to date other women. I expect you to do all the emotional labor and work associated with dealing with the jealousy that comes from your partner dating others who are the same gender as you. I deserve this kind of emotional labor from you. However, I won't do the same for you. I deserve it. But you don't. You are less worthy than me and deserve less than me for the following reasons <insert reasons>. You need to accept that you deserve less and I will do less for you than you do for me. Cool? Also, here are other areas in which you deserve less than me <insert additional double standards>."
Lets face it. Your wife isn't as good or as valuable as you and will never deserve as much as you deserve. Set her straight now so she knows where she stands.
Well, you few how you feel. And, she is also correct. Itās not fair for you to be able to pursue women but she canāt pursue men.
In our relationship, we of course have rules. But one thing that is clearly known is what one of us can do, the other can do as well.
You donāt necessarily have to āenjoyā her being with another man, but itās kind of shitty to accept the gift she has given you of exploring other women when you canāt give her the same gift if she desires it.
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What made you think that this was a place that would rubber stamp or support anything?