I’m a 36f with a lot of group sex experience. Much of that was not coming from a consensual place. Fast forward through therapy and healing and a few years of being single and happy, I meet someone I really click with (we are not yet “official” but I think that’s on the near horizon). He mentions that he has tried everything under the sun aside from a threesome and he really wants that experience. And I personally want to do this with him because I never enjoyed my experiences and I really wanted to. I led the way. I did much of the searching and the coordination. I asked a former co worker and she seemed very enthusiastic/honored. Our date was so fun. At least I thought so. I asked them both about desires/boundaries/ safety concerns beforehand and brought requested items. My only request was that he not finish inside her raw. We had all recently tested clean so we all decided on no condoms. I made the mistake of drinking too much out of nerves. He finished with her, but pulled out, and he stepped away and came back and continued with her. At that point I got upset that he wasn’t focusing on me at all. Which I expected, since I’ve been in plenty of FFM. But the alcohol and the fact that she had to ask him to focus on me was enough for me to want to end the night. I didn’t even think about aftercare. But he was very Sweet and he held me and listened to me and told me we didn’t have to have any more threesomes. I agreed in the moment. And when I asked if he at least enjoyed himself, he said it was just ok because she seemed more into me than him. That wasn’t my intention and in the moment, it just upset me. I put in a lot of time and work and I just watched the guy I’m falling for focus so much on another girl only to have him unhappy with the experience overall. We don’t live together and I requested to see him the next day and he cancelled on me. I was tired anyway so I agreed to reschedule. I really just want to be held. He has been much sweeter than usual and more emotionally open with me than ever. So I feel the appreciation is there and even if it wasn’t perfect, he still got to be with two beautiful women, so I do hope that alone has boosted his mood. After having a few days to reflect, I do want to try this again, but now I know what I want and what I don’t want. I think we didn’t communicate enough because we were more focused on the fun. We are also so new to each other and haven’t formed loving communication methods to begin with. How long should I give myself? Do I bring it up next or wait for him to? I plan to have a discussion with him next time we’re together to learn more about what he liked/didn’t like/ wants for future dates. I really want to focus more on developing what we have going for the time being. I’m considering trying a party next. I’m very much done touching other men but I still want to have a positive experience(s) with him and another woman.