My husband and I haven’t participated in “sensual” encounters, as we reserve sensual play for eachother at this point. Even behind closed doors with just the two of us, my husband just is not a sensual man. Passionate, yes, but not intimate or sensual. He’s expressed before that sensual experiences to him can be exhausting, in the same way that kink situations can be exhausting to others. He’s willing to be flexible and does actively engage sensually with me because I desire and need it, but truly he doesn’t enjoy it for any other reason besides he knows that I do. To me, having a sensual experience with an outside partner would be awkward and honestly would probably mess with my head/feelings, since personally I feel that the difference between fun sex and love sex is sensuality/intimacy.

However, we continue to come across people who want/need “sensual” energy in a swap, so now after some reflection, he is willing to oblige… but I run into a mental block with jealousies surrounding him engaging in sensual play with others. I know this comes from the lack of sensual energy that I crave in our own relationship, (despite his willingness to engage with me on a semi regular basis). But, because I do know and trust that he does genuinely try to be romantic and sensual with me, it feels unfair to feel jealous. I realize that being a little extra sensual in a swap from time to time isn’t going to be as “exhausting” for him; as it would be having to tap into that all the time with me, but even though I can see the difference, I can’t help but feel negatively about seeing him show that tenderness to someone else.

In the case where he is already actively putting effort into being sensual with me, it feels like there isn’t much else I can ask from him to help me feel better about him being sensual with someone else. What can I do to reframe this in my mind?