Hey fellas, this one is for you. My wife of 18 years and I (38/40) are fairly new in the lifestyle (about 9 months) and we've been doing the club thing for a bit and have met some awesome friends and play partners. We're a full swap couple if things are vibing, but, to-date I have not had a "successful" swap encounter yet, in that as horny as I am and as sexually charged as my play partners and I can get, the minute things go faster for my wife than they do for me, my anxiety goes wild, I lose focus, dick goes soft and the poor ladies I'm playing with try like hell to no avail to get me hard again. I can't help but feel embarrassed and it's led to us(me) abruptly ending play sessions in a panic.

9 interactions and in at least 5 of them I have grabbed my wife's hand while she's getting railed and shook her out of whatever good time she's having and point blank said "get up" or "hey, you're done, we're leaving", got up, got dressed and were out the door within 2.5 minutes. Not "hey babe can you come help me out please" or just switching back... no, I panic and we have to vacate immediatly. Its embarrassing when my dick isn't working and it's embarrassing when it causes me to panic out loud and verbalize wanting to leave.

My anxiety and minor jealousies (I'm working on that) are completely overpowering my ED meds. I've tried generic Cialis, Viagara and am now on a Hims-branded compound. All 3 do wonders in my bedroom with my wife, and I honestly don't even them at home unless we want to play for several hours. But with someone else, nothing seems to work.

We're serious about being in the lifestyle, but I feel like I'm beating my head against the wall here. If I can't achieve the full level of satisfaction I'm looking to get from it, then why bother. I'm trying to stick with it but nothing much is working.

Anyone have any guidance or medicinal recommendations to help me through this slump? I know that if i can just finally break that barrier, it'll be easier moving forward.