TLDR; a novel, because I am sad and I feel stupid and I have no where else to turn to with the full scenario.

We’ve been together 6 years, married almost 2 and in the LS for about 1.5 years.

We started our journey with hesitation on my end(f31), despite me being open to open relationships when we started dating. At the time we chose monogamy and were happy in that for the years leading up to our marriage. I was open to the LS (after some debates) when he(m33) asked us to try, but I needed more security and rules in place. My husband insisted all the time through our journey that if it were up to him our only rules would be to wear protection and not catch feelings, so I felt I had wiggle room and little direction. I knew we both would make mistakes. My husband has a temper so I didn’t confront him with my qualms often, only once or twice, and it ended up being my fault and I was the one who needed to change… so I kept things in and it was worth it for us to just have fun and for him to feel fulfilled, I never resented him. I made mistakes, too, each one leading us into a knock down drag out “I’m leaving you” style argument; from confronting him during a swap when I didn’t like something, nixing women who seemed more interested in him than I was comfortable with, getting us involved in large group play without knowing/clearing every couple involved, showing hesitation when he would bring up new desires if they made me anxious, and the worst one last night; making him feel “c*cked”.

We play mostly with couples, 95% of the time, but have adopted a part time stag-vixen/reverse dynamic and enjoy watching each other. We had a repeat friend over for me last night, and had done a lot of dirty talk about him watching me lately. For this play date, he told me he didn’t want to be left out, which I agreed because I also didn’t want him left out. I remembered from last time we saw this friend that he has a hard time cumming, especially from oral, but I knew that the goal was for him to cum on my face. During the swap I paid more attention to our friend than my husband, which was wrong. I’d say 40% husband 60% friend, but my husband would say it was more like 20%-80%.

My husband spent time during this session in my mouth, in my hands, we tried DP for the first time and he finished on my backside. When he finished, I figured it would be time for me to go into overdrive and finish off our friend. He took a very long time, about 45 min, and there were a few times I’d reach out to stroke my husband or put my hands on his body elsewhere while he watched. I didn’t think this was an issue given all of the dirty talk we’d had lately, the fact that he had gotten to cum, and we’d have the rest of the night together after our friend left for reclaim. By the time our friend was done I was SPENT, sore, tired, it was hard to even finish him, in reflection I should have tapped out but we had talked so much about him wanting to watch me drain him.

Our friend left and we immediately got to fucking, I felt like I had accomplished something fun for us and wanted him to have me to himself. I dirty talked him while I gave him oral, he had both my pssy and my as, and I finished him off with an oiled up handjob while we dirty talked. He came 3 times this day. We finish up and go to watch a movie… he drops a bomb and tells me that he felt left out for it and didn’t like it, he had no fun, and never wants to watch me get touched again and that he can’t stand to look at me. I immediately apologized and told him I didn’t mean to leave him out, and asked him why he didn’t give me any hints (we have a 2-taps on the shoulder queue). He said I should have known better and the argument spiraled from there. He feels like I left him with his dick in his hand to be c*cked and how he had specified he didn’t want that.

He said the only way he will stay with me is if I give him a one sided open relationship until he feels like he’s gotten even and then he wants to stop swinging all together. He’s also told me in the past that ENM is something he won’t live without until he loses his natural ability and libido, so I knew this meant the end of our relationship. He says if he stays we will have a sexless and loveless life. I told him I didn’t cheat on him, or ignore him, that I made a mistake and I didn’t check in or communicate, but that I can’t have a one sided open relationship or loveless marriage. Eventually I caved and offered the open relationship, but he says he doesn’t want me anymore regardless. He’s called me dirty, a cunt, a bitch, stupid, a bad person… I know he needs to leave and this isn’t good anymore.

I shouldn’t have paid more attention to our friend than him. I should have sent him home when it took too long. I own what I did. I was wrong. But I wish the intentions counted for something. I can’t find the signs that he was uncomfortable, even looking back now… like I was set up for failure. But he insists that him telling me he wanted to participate (which he did) should have been enough.