We’ve been swinging for a little over a year and have really enjoyed it, we’ve had most experiences with couples (who, yes, enjoyed us enough to repeat despite our forbidden rule) and some with some solo playing men and women, in clubs and in private. Some not so great experiences but those weren’t because we had a no kissing rule. My husband has always participated with the rule, but it’s been no secret he hates it. He loves me though. I mostly just don’t like to kiss other people; I don’t even have fun thinking about it, and go ahead and shit on me for this, but the idea of seeing my husband kissing another woman gives me a gut wrenching feeling. At this point we’ve both had solo play and lots of joint activities; it’s not insecurity in my relationship, but it’s obviously something that I don’t understand. I agreed recently that I’m sure we have been passed up on because of this rule and that rationally, I can’t think of a reason why we have it. We debated over it for a while but ended up with me deciding we could drop it. We haven’t played yet but we’re coming up on our first play date without it and I’m more nervous right now than I was for our first experience all together. I know we will be okay. I know it’s nothing. But I can’t get over the heartache I feel imagining it… I’m embarrassed by this feeling and I know I’ll get past it… but I am so scared. I’m not sure what of; there is no “worst case scenario” that I play out in my head… literally just imagining the sight of it hurts me. Not sure why I’m sharing this, as I know I’m just going to get shit on despite my admittance of being silly. Just looking for some encouragement maybe? Coping techniques?

ETA; be gentle, I’m obviously trying.