Hello! So, I guess I'm looking for perspective and advice from people who are already involved in this lifestyle. Let me preface this by saying I am very new to this. So, please forgive me if I get things wrong, I'm trying to learn.

OK. So the situation is this. My wife and I have been married for almost 5 years and recently she has been talking about wanting to bringing someone new into the bedroom. At first, when she brought it up, I was open to hearing her out but opposed to actually doing anything. At the time, I told her I wasn't comfortable with it because, while I could handle her sleeping with a woman, I didn't feel comfortable with her sleeping with a guy and that I didn't feel like that was fair. I am straight, she is bisexual, but I know she wants another dude involved too. That being that, the topic went cold for a few months. Then the last week or so, she has brought it up again. I told her I'm not opposed to the idea, but I want to start slow and get comfortable and that I would rather start by bringing a female in to start with f/f and eventually I will feel more comfortable bringing a couple in as long as the play way f/f and the only m/f action was me/my wife him/his wife, and maybe I would eventually be comfortable with swapping, but as it stands, I am just not there yet. She initally agreed and started looking for our first adventure together. After a few days of looking, she came to me with a couple. I told her I wasn't comfortable with that yet, but she pressed the issue. So I decided, fine, if this is what makes her happy, okay. I asked her to confirm that they were ok with f/f play only, and they agreed with some reluctance. Then the other couple continued to press the issue of full swapping. So my wife kept pressuring me, and trying to convince me that I will love DP. I told her again that I wasn't comfortable with that yet. Then, she told me that that wasn't being fair to her, because if she is going to bring a girl in, then I should be ok with bringing a guy in for her. I told her that if she couldn't respect my boundaries and wanting to ease into things, then maybe we shouldn't do this at all. We didn't, and I feel like things things have been tense between us since then. I know she's disappointed, and I feel bad.

Now, a few pertinent details and backgroud that I feel are important to the situation. First, I wouldn't be involved physically with the second woman, just my wife with her and me with my wife, so it's not like I'm asking to sleep with another woman and not let her sleep with another man. If/when we get to that point, I feel that fair is fair, and if I'm physically involved with another woman, then she should get to be physically involved with another man. Second, the reason I'm hesitant to have another man involved is because I have been cheated on a lot in my past, and my previous marriage ended because of infidelity, and a woman I was engaged to cheated on me while she thought I was sleeping in the next room, but I heard all of it. And my first real girlfriend cheated on me while I was gone for basic training in the Army. So I guess you could say I'm a little insecure about seeing my wife being sexual with another man. And, just to restate, I'm not opposed to the idea eventually, but I just want to take things slowly and test the waters before going off and having sex with others of the opposite gender. I know that my wife's goal is to eventually swap partners, have DP with me and another guy, etc., I'm just not there yet, and I don't feel like jumping right into that is a good idea for our relationship or my mental health. At the same time, I'm worried that about a couple things. 1) That she is wanting this because there in some way I'm not satisfying her sexually, that I'm not enough. She has told me that this isn't the case, that she is fully satisfied by me and she just wants a different experience, which is fine, I just can't over the feeling like I'm not good enough, and she's not telling me. 2) That if I don't agree to have another man in the bedroom, she, like my previous relationships, will step out and find what she wants somewhere else. I guess I should just be thankful she is giving me the chance to be involved, but that makes me feel subhuman, like my feeling on the matter are nul and void.

So I guess my questions are as follows... Am I wrong in my thinking/approach or to feel like we should do this slowly? How do I get past the feeling of not being good enough? Are my worries legitimate or biased and unfounded?

I really could use some help on this. I feel torn up inside and I'm hating myself for it. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!