Prior to entering the LS we were careful to to do a lot of research which included this sub. A common rule a lot of couples have, especially when starting out, was that their play be same room.
Now that we've gotten a couple swaps under our belt, we actually think we would prefer to be separate rooms, or at least not in the same room/bed.
Of course this is something we will discuss with our future play partners, but we are just curious to what other people think? For those who still insist same room, why?
I figured trust and safety would be high up on the list. We feel the same. If and when we decide to include separate room play, it would be in the same place but with people we've been with before.
We’ve been in the lifestyle for 5 years now and have a lot of experience so here is my experience with leaving my wife alone. I first noticed that every time I’d use the bathroom at lifestyle events that my wife was surrounded by single men when I get back to her . When we’d swap with another couple and I’d use the bathroom the other guy would immediately put pressure on my wife to do something that is against our rules. Time and time again everyone would do the same , they would try to stick it in her ass or not use a condom the moment they get an opportunity . Now we use the bathroom together and keep her close by at all times
King sized beds should be the mandatory minimum. Lol.
I think this is exactly where we land right now. Separate beds but the same room would be a lot more comfortable.
I also can sympathize with your husband a bit. With a recent swap, I kind of got distracted with what I was doing because the other male (with my wife's consent, of course) immediately went to pound town. I was taking my time, giving proper foreplay and oral, but suddenly had the thought, "Am I going too slow?" It's funny because it was like 1 minute in.
Whatever works logistically and if the other couple has a strong preference, we tend to go with that.
I sense that this is exactly where we will end up. We aren't super passionate about it either way, so deferring to what they other couple prefers should be just fine.
For us, we've never pushed it, and it's never been pushed with us. Same room just seems the default. And we were/are ok with it.
Our main experiences were MFMs prior to couple swaps. In those scenarios, there is just one focus of attention. Transitioning to 2 main events running concurrently in the same confined space just surprised us with some new challenges or thoughts.
We aren't anti same room. Just surprised we didn't like it fully or completely.
In the future, we'll probably do both or just roll with what the other couple prefers.
I hear you. It's probably one of the hottest things for me, too. The look my wife gave me the first time a man was going down on her as she stared at me, will be forever burned into my mind.
Haha. I'm going to have to see pics to believe that. Just kidding. That's remarkable.
I totally get the shared experience thing. And feel the same way for the most part.
The policing part I quite don't understand. I'm not pushing back on you specifically, as many others have mentioned the same thing. I just don't know how a person can focus intensely on what they are doing with their new partner AND keep an eye out for missteps with the other couple.
So often, when we recount the experience and review the mental highlights, my wife will say, "Did you notice this?" or "Did you hear my partner say...." and I'm like,"No, I completely missed all that." Lol
Such a great list. I love the way you've described the pros of being same room. Especially the reclamation part. Sometimes, I'll see something about a particular act differently than my wife and vice versa.
I think these are really good reasons for people to consider separate room play.
So MFMs must also be a favourite? We like them too.
Agreed. Many have spoken as to the pros of being same room. What are the biggest advantages for you of being separate room?
You can like what you like and some do like separate better.
Unless I know you well enough and we have played before, we're keeping it same. I don't want to find out about bad behavior or other issue after the fact.
Funny thing is that to me wearing a butt plug means that you’re open to anal .
Oh oh. Sounds like you are speaking from experience?
The bi dynamic is a no-brainer to all be in the same room. Thanks.
Just like most answers we like to watch each other. Most other couples we’ve met are the same way. It’s also added security if things go sideways. At the beginning we had guys try to push boundaries because we were new. It’s harder to push when we’re all together.
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All makes sense. I would say that our main interest in the same room/bed play would be the group dynamic. Can't get that if you are separate, obviously.
The trade off I guess, is limited space with one bed, we've also had a room get way too hot with all that action.