I (44f) had an mfm night recently and although it was overall enjoyable, there were some things that we occurred that left a sour taste. My Beau (41m) and I are clear communicators so when we invited a man that we saw once before, Beau invested ample time in articulating our vision, boundaries, turn ons, and made sure to ask Dude(42m) those same things. Our asks were: Beau requested they communicate upon Dude’s arrival and that after we finished for Dude not to hang around. I love listening to two men discuss what to do with me and we wanted dvp. That was the extent of Beau’s requests, which in my opinion weren’t unreasonable.

Well, Dude went rogue and seemed to have an individual agenda. He blew past Beau upon arrival, demanded a lot of my time, didn’t speak to Beau at all before, during or after, and attempted to box Beau out the entire time. He grimaced when we suggested dvp and lingered afterwards. Beau rolled with it all beautifully, maintained his composure, and I love him even more for that, but it angers me that he was put in that position, in his house, with his girl. There’s enough for everyone and it doesn’t need to be a competition. We’ve had mfm’s with men who embrace collaboration and they were phenomenal.

Communication is essential. I should have asked Beau everything he discussed with Dude, so when he went off script I would have known. During, I was only aware of how demanding he was and how little the boys interacted. It was only afterwards when we discussed it did I realize the extent of his disregard for Beau’s requests. Next time I’ll be sure to have all the info prior.

Don’t get me wrong, I had a lot of fun. Things could have been far worse, but they also could have been better. I write this not because it was dramatic or awful, but to touch on the subtleties of vibe and character. When you show up to play with someone’s wife, husband, friend, whoever, come correct. It isn’t a competition (unless you want that).

Collaboration and openness are beautiful qualities. And by all means, respect people and their boundaries.