My husband and myself (together for 10 years) have been with this gentleman on several occasions and I have played with him solo once. This us the only time I've played fully solo in the 10 years. The sex is amazing, in fact the best I've had in around 20 years. He is also a very affectionate and tactile lover, lots of hand holding, little kisses, strokes of your hair or skin etc.
My problem is that I find myself wanting to message him or chat to him constantly.
I do love my husband very much, but is it just the excitement of someone new or that this man says and does all the things my husband doesn't do anymore, that has me crushing on him?
He isn't looking for a partner and has made that quite clear from the start with both of us, so it's just on my part.
We have a mfmf arranged in 2 months time with him and our female fwb. Do we go ahead or cancel?
I really don't know what to do, I want to see him again and have amazing sex but I am worried it will just make how I feel worse. I feel like a silly school girl and I'm 60!
Any and all advice gratefully received x
Crush is a good word I think.
Because usually someone ends up crushed.
You are in limerence I'd guess, its that pre-love butterfly stage.
Its a dangerous thing for a LTR. I say this from personal experience and years and years of listening to swingers and their stories.
Its like an addictive drug, which in a normal dating relationship can be a good thing, and some people can handle it without blowing things up.
Added your husband can't compete with this at this stage, its new and feeding that dopamine and other parts of your brain saying "more, more, I need more".
So my recommendation is keep your distance, he wants a sex only thing, keep it sex only thing, don't text him unless, its to set up a date and ONLY with your husband, no solo. Solo time seems to be the catalyst for limerence and love IMO, more than anything sexual in a group.
My REAL advice is just break it off, say thanks for the great sex, and find someone new as a toy. You'd have to be strong for that.
Edit: The problem I think is the word crush means different things to different people. I have some women in swinging you could say I have a "crush" on and really enjoy being with, but its not a need, I just really like them and have fun with them. Then there is crush which is falling for the other person.
Talk to your husband. We allow each other to have crushes.
They pass. Best friends are forever.
Agree with the talking to your husband about being allowed to have a crush. As a woman, having a crush (not in love, just some heady infatuation feelings) makes the sex so so so much funner. At first we hated the idea, but after both developing them, it seems harmless and fun.
Don't text him privately without permission from everyone. That would make you seem like a psycho and ruin everything for everyone involved regardless of his response. NRE is seductive, but it's not real or lasting.
Yeah, it's the singles we have a lot more fun with. So far all the marrieds have been train wrecks.
Talk to your husband. We allow each other to have crushes.
They pass. Best friends are forever.
Thank you, I will.
Do you do alone full swap play?
Agree with the talking to your husband about being allowed to have a crush. As a woman, having a crush (not in love, just some heady infatuation feelings) makes the sex so so so much funner. At first we hated the idea, but after both developing them, it seems harmless and fun.
Don't text him privately without permission from everyone. That would make you seem like a psycho and ruin everything for everyone involved regardless of his response. NRE is seductive, but it's not real or lasting.
Yeah, it's the singles we have a lot more fun with. So far all the marrieds have been train wrecks.
Thank you for your reply. Luckily it's not him, it's me. We've sorted things out now and hopefully going forward it won't happen again
Yeah, it's the singles we have a lot more fun with. So far all the marrieds have been train wrecks.
To me there is mini crushes, crushes, falling for, and in love.
Very much this.
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Thank you, I will.
Do you do alone full swap play?