My wife and I (27F 26M) have been together for 8 years. For the last 6 years we’ve been on and off with talking to other women. It was a huge adjustment and no clear boundaries were set which led to a lot of arguing and sometimes break ups (we were young and dumb). We finally have been doing better the last year and have actually had a threesome with the same woman twice. My wife now just sends married women my way and we flirt. We never had any interest in other men because my wife in her words would say “ew men are gross and I don’t like dicks” and she is also bi so the experience was for both of us.

For the last month, she slowly started to show interest in others guys and I was completely thrown off but I figured it’s only fair. We started it off on tinder with her talking to guys and I quickly shut it down because I didn’t like the way she was talking to them. My thought process was that it’s more complicated with women and my wife agreed that with women, it takes ALOT of conversation and flirting to get to the point of meeting up. With men, the process is so easy and I just felt like being “extra” with the flirting wasn’t really necessary. She agreed. We changed it up to me talking to the guys and setting up a threesome instead. We had luck very quickly (obviously) and set up to host a guy at our place. It went kind of well. I was a little upset that she decided to not really include me in the threesome. She failed to look at me or acknowledge me and it really upset me. After the experience we talked it through and had really great sex after.

Again, I decided to change my approach because she mentioned that this guy we had a threesome with didn’t really perform well and had trouble keeping it hard which I did notice. So now IM looking for guys and sending them her way. The issue I’m having now is that I want to see EVERY message. I get upset within myself when she’s very vague on what the conversation is like. I got upset last night because I asked if she could stay up with me for another 30 minutes and she said she was too tired and that she was going to bed. But when I went that way a few minutes later, she wasn’t in bed. I actually found her in her vanity room sitting down and texting this guy. I tried my best to not seem too upset and tried to have a calm conversation that I feel like she’s trying to hide her conversations because she never talks to them in front of me and never really updates me on what’s going on which is what leads to me wanting to see every message of the conversation. We went back and fourth on this and I finally realized that maybe I’m being too hard on her. So now, I told her if she wants to talk to him while I’m at work right now that it’s fine and I’ll try my best to not ask for every message. She’s updating me little by little on what the conversation is like. However, I’m fighting the urge within myself and I WANT to see what she’s saying exactly. I don’t really know why I’m being like this and why I can’t just let her be and enjoy the conversation. I guess the reason I’m posting this is to see how others handle their wives talking and flirting with other men.