Swingers for 3 years, had a bad experience and pulled completely out of the lifestyle. Maybe forever? I guess we’ll see.

TW: Assault

Some background: as is often the case, there’s trauma in both our backgrounds, and our lifestyle experiences were really healing for that. Mine was, despite being really good shape and told I was good looking, I always see ugly and undesirable. Hers was, after teen sexual assaults, the inability to feel safe in a sexual situation.

The lifestyle was wonderful for this. We started as an online sharing couple, then soft swap MFMF, then a full swap FFM couple (she’s bi), and even one totally fine full swap experience.

Then, about 2 weeks ago, we got together with a couple we chatted with for a week. They were very sexually open, but also really nice folks. We imagined this might become the full swap fwb we had always wanted.

My wife came to me and had hyped herself up for the experience. She was ready to try full swap again. I wasn’t as in the mood that night, but I said I’d rally for her.

The couple arrived and they were immediately flirty and sexual, despite us saying we’d want to hang out for an hour or two first. We said we were looking for something light and easy, but not just sexual. Like having sex with friends. Despite this, the husband sat down immediately next to my wife and started planting with her hair and stroking her legs, within 5 minutes of their arrival. The wife put her legs up on me right away.

My wife was caught up in the moment and though she was a little put off by the speed, she was excited for the experience. I ended up feeling like I was going to be a stick in the mud if I protested too much, so when the conversation immediately (again prompted by the husband) turned to boob grabbing and kissing her neck, and the wife immediately started playing with me, I went with it, hesitantly.

Things progressed fast. There was almost no foreplay, almost no hanging out, the guy jumped on my wife (my wife and I had discussed that missionary was to be reserved for each other or people we really knew and trusted, and he just laid down and started going at it in missionary - she has recognized and apologized for crossing that boundary and I’ve forgiven her).

He started making bizarre faces and fist bumping his wife (every other couple we’ve ever been with has checked in with the other spouse, but this guy never once gave a “by your leave” look). His wife was on top of me, and I wasn’t into it. It did start feeling better at the end, and I ended up being to only one to orgasm… which I then found out was because she removed the condom I was wearing.

At the end they fist bumped again, said “awesome!” And were gone in ten minutes.

My wife was fine at first, but I was really upset. By the next day she said it all felt icky to her, and that she didn’t really have time to consider, that it was all happening so fast. His faces and the fist bumps and the bailing out and way he just sat down next to her and started groping started to really bother her. Jealousy I had never felt since we started crept in and just decimated me for days. I felt like my wife had been used and disrespected, that my stated preferences to them had been ignored, and that we were just a conquest. It took about 2 weeks for me to want to be sexual at all after.

We shut down our SLS account, and swore off swinging, the whole thing had been so painful. But… the temptation of coming back is there for both of us.

I don’t know if I’m looking for advice or just people who’ve been through the same. We had dozens of encounters before this, but this one hurt. Hope we’ll be back one day, but also a little scared.