We (44F/46M) just had our first full swap experience last weekend. Weâre still new, and have interacted with other couples in side-by-side and soft swap situations.
There was a post in the past couple of weeks that talked about jealousy, asking how do people not feel jealous or something like that. It made me wonderâŚ
Before our full swap, seeing each other kiss someone else or giving/receiving oral from someone else didnât make us feel bad. But the real test would be when we finally see each other fucking someone else.
I (the husband) honestly wasnât sure how Iâd feel about that. But I quickly found out, lol. Seeing and hearing my wife have a good time with someone else inside her was surprisingly very much a turn on.
When we had our âdebriefâ over the next couple of days after the swap, we laid it all out there about how we felt, would we do it again, etc. Wife also said she liked seeing and hearing me with another woman.
So far, no jealousy and weâre excited for our next experience.
What has your experience been like with jealousy (or lack there of) at the beginning of your LS journey?
Jealousy is a fear of loss, and thats pretty normal to have at least some early in the LS.
Lots of this comes down to how you are wired, and if you can get over it or not. For me it was a process after our first swap, that once my brain processed I haven't had much of/any again in swinging.
I think there are two big mistakes people make when talking about this.
People who have NO jealousy at all in this, never did, often assume thats the normal and only way so if a new couple says "We had our first swap and I have some jealousy" those types of people will tell them how swinging isn't for them. This is wrong otherwise our last 20 years in this have been "not for us".
People also get told that jealousy is a their problem that they shouldn't have and they should get therapy to get over it because its a bad thing and somehow they are wrong for being jealous.
Swinging, ENM, etc IS NOT FOR EVERYONE. Its not a character flaw if you react badly to it. If it's something you honestly want and want to work through it, great, but no one should feel bad because they don't feel it.
This is so typical its a trope in swinging. The hard part is finding that woman and it won't really get you past the jealousy part, because as much as it russles the Jimmies of some, most men don't view women at the same level of jealousy as men in terms of sex with their partner.
It's normal, hell I once felt the same, but I got past it. You'll never know how you handle it until you face it.
Lots of people's first swinging "experience" is going to a club just to observe and chat. This has pros and cons, if the club is a crappy one you may have a very negative experience and you think "that's swinging? ewww" but its a safe way to see a bit of it.
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Weâve discussed some obvious things, like to not do things with someone else that we donât do with each other.