I'm actually surprised to hear this is rare, so far all of the couples have talked as if this is to be expected and that jealousy is natural. Prio to starting the second couple talked about the "stomach drop" She always got watching her husband with someone else the first time. The first wife said it was always weird the first time. But I didn't know they were all going to get so upset. The third couple I thought were complete pros, and I was taken aback when she ran away. Well I guess I was shocked all three times. But really surprised the last time. I don't understand why do this if it feels bad.

This sounds like very newbie, probably not ready to swing talk. Jealousy IS normal, but its normally after the fact when new and some people decide its not for them and others get over the lizard brain jealousy and have a good time for decades.

Whats not normal is always being jealous. If thats your reaction, yes it makes NO sense to swing. Its like saying "I get an allergic reaction when I have peanut butter but I really like nutterbutters so anaphylaxis be damned!"

I'd recommend trying a club, you can read how at ease people are by body language, and even better if they approach you.

I'm actually surprised to hear this is rare, so far all of the couples have talked as if this is to be expected and that jealousy is natural. Prio to starting the second couple talked about the "stomach drop" She always got watching her husband with someone else the first time. The first wife said it was always weird the first time. But I didn't know they were all going to get so upset. The third couple I thought were complete pros, and I was taken aback when she ran away. Well I guess I was shocked all three times. But really surprised the last time. I don't understand why do this if it feels bad.

Wives 1 and 3 both came back and apologized and said something along the lines of "it always hard to see your husband with someone new the first few times"

The second wife blew up and stopped everything when her hubby asked if we could do a separate room so I figured that was some boundary he was pushing that I was unaware of.

The first set are the ones I'm really confused about. They made it sound like it's natural to be miserable about it. But I'm happy to hear this is unusual!

Maybe we are moving too fast, but they seem fine, other than the first couple, we waited till the third date to hook up, made out first, and fit seemed like the couples had great chemistry. What flags should we look for?

This is probably the correct answer. We must remember to shower!

Ugg. I guess it's good to hear this isn't common. What kinda hook ups are you normally doing? ONS? More of an ongoing thing? Do you hook up pretty quickly?

So far they have all been in the LS for at least 2 years, we've only been doing this 6 months

Thank you so much for this very insightful and in depth comment!

I love MFMs, and would have preferred to stick with those, but as you mentioned, my husband wants something for himself too, which I totally understand. It's been a little rough for me to wrap my mind around everything I have to do to five him his fantasies as well. The MFMs were soneasy. The single guys are so beyond eager and appreciative. We never had a bad experience with them, (after I learned to make sure to focus on my husband as well, which you had also mentioned).

I do get uncomfortable with the bi women (which it seems like everyone is) not because i think they are going to hit on me, but because I recognize I am not giving them a part of the experience I know they prefer, and I hate working at a deficit. I can't really understand why bi women even try swapping with a straight woman, it seems like so many of them are in this mostly for that part of the dynamic. If it didn't seem like every couple had a bi woman, I would only date completely straight couples, but they are so hard to find!

Thank you for your incredibly thoughtful and insightful response!

I get furious when the men push. I start telling them to get on the other man. My hubby knows not to try. It legit a trigger for me. I think it's gross for everyone involved, including the poor other woman who shouldn't have to deal with my rejection. The women never push!

That's a really nice thing to say, thank you!

I've gotten quite a bit of feedback on this thread. One person mentioned ways I should be including the wife, and I definitely haven't been doing any of what the writer suggested. I think the tears wouldn't have happened if I had navigated things as they talked about. I don't think it sounds like much fun, but maybe that's what I have to do to get over the initial ucky feelings I seem to be causing these women. I'm pretty upset to hear I'm the only one causing this drama. I guess I'm really bad at this. I haven't really been thinking of the wife at all, but it's my preference that she not be thinking of me or trying to include me. But I think it would have been a way better experience for all of the wives if I had been more inclusive of them. Doesn't sound like a great time, but I guess I should start off that way and hopefully we can all be more comfortable later.

Great questions to ask, it's kinda funny, we've never asked them, but several couples have asked us. They are probably looking for flags and we didn't know!

That's a good idea. I was probably taking too much of his attention. I had told them I'm not an exhibitionist or voyeur, so he was probably being sensitive to that.

So far they have all been bi or bi curious. The third couple she is bi, but I'm not. I think my sexuality is really screwing things up. Every couple had only hooked up with couples where the woman was bi. I can see how me only being into the husband is an unpleasant dynamic when it's not what they are used to. Totally sucks. But it seems like almost every couple has a bi wife. Maybe that is the issue that causing this.

I'm starting to think that being bi is the key to everything going well. But I'm as straight as a ruler. Fuck.

That's awful! God I hope we aren't a bluff! I can kinda see that as a possibility with the first couple.

Well that kinda sucks. I know we aren't pressuring them, but maybe they just feel like that's what they have to do to keep hanging out. I accidently pressed the first wife, there was no pressure with the second couple, and the third couple pressured us if anything. Not a lot of pressure, but a full swap was definetly the expectation. But I totally wanted to, so it wasn't a problem.

We are only hooking up with attractive couples that seem secure. I'm a lot more vanilla in my fucking than these women. If anyone should be intimidated, it's me. Most of them have been sending sexy nudes and sex photos, and I won't even do that stuff.

I've never used those, and I've never heard of certs! Holy shot, that's brilliant. I've only done field and 3fun. What a cool concept! I always thought there should be reviews!!!

Lol, I guess I stop checking in once the action starts. I will start doing more of that!

I didn't realize this was rare. I'm obviously not presenting the full scenarios in my three paragraph post. Not trying to be inaccurate, I was just trying to understand why women swing when it upsets them, and what they have done to get over it.

First time there was alcohol involved. Probably too much before the tears, and way more after. Of course we didn't restart. The second time the wife left the room pissed, I'm sure she was crying, but stormed off when her husband asked about a separate room, so I think it was a boundary thing. Minimal alcohol the third time, I don't think it was a factor. I really adore the third wife and hubby and want this to work. Don't know how to make it work if she just hates having her husband with another woman.

Lets do it like they do on the Discovery channel.

You're sweet, I don't think my sexual prowess is the issue! I think there was a pressure issue with the first couple, I can't really figure the most recent one out. There's a dom/sub dynamic they are doing, but it seems mutual

God I'm glad I'm not the only one!!!

Definetly still trying with the third couple, ill try to troubleshoot this with them. She kept whispering to him "I just love you too much" so I don't really know how to work around that, but want to try!

Yeah, we almost always meet people on apps. Other than the first couple we've always done a vibe check first. I always do intensely make out prior to the first hookup night, but that's been to check my reaction to the husband, I guess I should start watching his wife to see if she's cool with things.

What does that mean?

Okay. Outta curiosity, which part part is fake. Won't argue the crazy

I guess I don't really know what to look for, but nothing that jumped out. No jealousy or insecurities seemed to come up. I don't really know what else to look for

My husband freaked out the first time, big time freaked out and cried for days, but then he got over it! We wouldn't still be doing this if it was still upsetting!