Technically not a 'swinging' post, but a lot of us enjoy finding single males for MFM experiences, particularly new couples dipping their toes in. This topic comes up all the time, and instead of posting this whole thing in the replies, I wanted to start a thread around it for everyone to share their tips as well (and make it easier for me to link to this post in replies). Every couple has different standards and requirements for other couples and singles, so some of ours may not apply to your situation. Obviously the more requirements you have, the smaller the pool of qualified candidates. We are ok with this and knowing we have higher standards than many, have had to work a bit harder to find quality single males.

So, here goes, our method for finding quality single males:

A lot of us started out with MFM or FFM experiences. It is actually a really great way to test the waters and see how you both feel and build up your communication in a simpler situation than a full couple swap.

I will start by saying we have pretty high standards, have made mistakes in the past regarding single male situations, and learned from them. We do not expect to find a great single male at a club, much better for us is to get on a paid swinger site and find vetted males.

I (husband) do the searching and vetting. Primarily using our local paid swinger site, I search for VALIDATED males that are 'her' type. I read the profile to look for criteria important to us (condoms required, all others are out). I look in the galleries for validation of this when possible (any penetration pics? is he suited up?). If they meet our criteria, I review them with the wife and get her thumbs up/down on the selections. I then reach out and explain to the males we are looking for quality, experienced single males. Of the 100s in our area, this resulted in about 15-20 candidates. Of those, about 75% respond. Here is what I look for and red flags:

How does he communicate, full sentences, spelling, etc?

How far is he? (closer = better)

What is his availability? (If only available occasionally at last minute = red flag, cheater)

Can he host? (If not, potential cheater, ask why and compare to availability)

What are his rules? (If he does not mention protection, then he is probably flexible on this = pass)

Does he ask for nude pics? (red flag, we already have nudes on our profile)

Does he ask for pg pics or whatever we are comfortable with? (good sign)

Does he share dick pics without being asked? (red flag, inexperienced)

If we made it this far, I will invite the wife into the conversation (kik/telegram/txt) and then offer to meet him for a beer to vet without the wife there sometime in the next week. 50% bail at this point. The ones who do commit are usually legit. When we meet, I look to learn about his experience, how he got into the lifestyle, any ED issues or pill preferences, share our scenarios/experience and goals. If this goes well, there is a 95% chance we will invite him out for a drink with the wife and play date after. If he passed the vet with flying colors, sometimes we just invite him straight over next time we are all available for drinks and conversation at the house. Wife likes to loosen up and get to know the guys before fucking.

Never had a bad single male experience since establishing our routine. Building a good list and happy to share our vetted males with our couple friends.

Some observations/learnings from our experiences:

1) The best single males in our experience have been those with direct lifestyle experience, such as divorced or was in a previous ENM relationship and understands the dynamic.

2) Borrowing the male half of a couple is also a great option provided the couple is open and plays separately. (We typically ask couples we play with (and the guy performed) if they play separately and go from there).