We're about 8 years into our journey, and I was thinking lately about what it was like when we were new. We made a lot of mistakes along the way, learned from them and now feel pretty comfortable navigating the lifestyle. I wanted to share my thoughts and hear from others what they would tell their newbie selves if they could.

1) It takes more time and effort than expected to line up a successful 4-way connection.

2) It costs $ (sites, dates, clubs, hotels, outfits, testing)

3) Don't waste time texting forever. Set a date to meet and meet in person.

4) Meet and greets are our favorite ways to meet a lot of couples in person, no pressure and less expensive than clubs.

5) Unicorns do exist.

6) There is no perfect way for every couple to meet others; some like clubs, some like dating, some like online matching, find your best way.

7) ED issues are common. Be prepared for it.

8) Quality single males can be as hard to find as unicorns.

9) The lifestyle has a wide spectrum that often crosses other ENM groups; bisexuality women, men, poly, cheaters, voyers, newbies, veterans, kink, nudists, singles…. And many more. It helps to keep an open mind and be aware of this when defining what you are looking for (and not)

10) Personality and chemistry > body type

11) You can punch above your #! Don't assume because you have a dad bod or mommy pouch that the hwp couple won't be interested.

12) You can sometimes have more fun punching below your # (see #10)

13) There is always a bigger dick, and it doesn't really matter (and there is a thing as too big)

14) You will make mistakes, individually and as a couple, be ready to talk, communicate, and grow from them.

15) Keep your rules few, aligned, and stick to them

16) Be willing to discuss and adjust rules as you grow

17) Everyone needs a break sometimes, and it's OK to take one

18) … would love to hear yours and will edit/add as people respond