Hello everyone, (30M) here who is just curious about some aspects of the lifestyle. My recent girlfriend (28F) dumped me because she was "formerly" a part of the lifestyle. We talked about it, and I said it wasn't for me and explained my poor experience with ENM (polyamory.)
After about 4 months, she decided that being tied down to one person forever just "wasn't for her." She told me she felt like she would "eventually" cheat on me, and didn't want to hurt me that way.
She brought up some of her former partners, and how she still wished to actively see them. This was absolutely soul crushing for me, to basically be told "these other people I used to casually sleep with are more important to me than this relationship."
I felt like we had an absolutely perfect, monogamous relationship and like we were "two peas in a pod." I guess my biggest question for those in the lifestyle is, how do you not develop strong romantic feelings for others and end up choosing someone else over your primary partner long-term?
how do you not develop strong romantic feelings for others and end up choosing someone else over your primary partner long-term?
For us, it just happened. You separate sex from romantic feelings. Or perhaps more accurately there are different types of sex. My wife and I have romantic sex that brings us closer together. But we also play with other couples and that's just a fun physical activity.
Thinking more about it, I read a book years ago about controlling emotions. The premise was simple. Your emotions derive from your thoughts. So control your thoughts and you can control your emotions. It's really as simple as that.
Sorry but she wasn't that into you.
If anything this is a excuse for her IMO to get out and do a "its me not you".
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