Hi friends, throwaway account here (very active in the community on my primary), seeking advice.

I (30’s guy) have a repeated pattern of forgetting about my fiancé (30’s woman) during group settings, and it is hurting our relationship. I tend to get so excited with what’s going on and who I’m with in the moment, that I don’t pay attention to whether or not she is having fun or even feels safe. Our dynamic is such that we usually play together, but do play separately sometimes. This past weekend we were at a hotel takeover and in one of the rooms started playing with another couple. I was very into the other woman, but my fiancé and the other guy finished up pretty quickly, and she left the room without me even noticing. Another woman joined me, and I ended up spending quite a bit of time with her before I realized that my fiancé had moved on. She gave me a little bit of shit, but seemed OK and all would’ve been forgiven, except I went to get my fiancé a drink later in the night and ran into the second woman again. We started making out and I ended up sleeping with her again and didn’t bring back my fiancé’s drink for almost an hour... Obviously a very selfish thing to do, but again she just kind of ribbed me for being so distractible (she has done similar things in the past but blames it on the ADHD lol…). We later ended up having a foursome with another couple that we are good friends with and the night ended on a very good note. However, on the final night, she was feeling tired and went to bed early. She gave her blessing for me to go flirt and play, and I did, but I way over did it. We didn’t talk about a time that I should come back, but she woke up in the wee hours of the morning, and I hadn’t yet returned; she found it very hurtful that I didn’t eventually come to bed with her.

Now, she feels like I only want other women and not her. We have communicated a lot, and I have apologized, but she does not want to be intimate with me at the present. She thinks I may be a sex addict, which may be true; I just love these events so much. It makes me feel so desirable when other people want me, and I lose myself in the moment. I think we will take a little break from swinging and then probably stick to only shared experiences for a while, but I’m looking for additional advice on how I can train myself to be more mindful of my partner’s needs and experience without making things awkward or interrupting the flow of the night. Thanks in advance.