I'll admit I'm still learning some terms, we might be discussing the same thing.

It's the idea in ENM that you have an obligation to not share certain things with other partners. Typically it takes the form of communications that create negative feelings between your various partners, e.g. sharing private personal information, telling stories that make your partner look bad, blaming your partner instead of owning your own decisions, etc.

For open relationships, it usually means that you don't share the problems in your primary relationship with secondary partners.

I'm applying the term to swinging here because it seems like OP or their partner are oversharing with their swap partners.

I don't think it's wrong to have opposite sex friends that you're close with. But I do agree that OP is coming at this from a bad place on this issue.

It's fine to have close friends in addition to your partner, but your partner should be the one person you can tell anything to. And also...you should never talk about problems you and your spouse have with sexual partners, that's just being a bad hinge.

Me and my hubby are trying to overcome our demisexuality and learn to just fuck people.

In my hubby's vision of swinging we would find a couple that we enjoyed hanging out with, and then just swap partners at the end of the night, then return to our spouses and do it again with the same people again in a few weeks. I don't know how common this method of swinging is. Maybe it falls more into the polyamory category.

I always overthink things, but the scenario you have presented is how I always think that will turn out. I have no desire to watch my hubby simp over another lady, and he doesn't love me to flirt with other men either, so I don't really know how likely his vision is to actually come to fruition.

In both dates we went on, only one couple matched, and it felt yucky for the other.

We are going to a swingers party tonight and I am super hoping that the dynamic will be different with more people in attendance, although some people said you are still expected to to have a full swap with the same couple, other people said it is just a free for all of hooking up with whoever you want to. I am hoping for the latter!

Thank you so much for the advice on flirting, I know we are going to have to figure out how to do this. I am really not very flirty in normal life either, but we've got lots to learn!

Appreciate the advice on porn too, this is also my take, but I think when I say it, I sound like a killjoy, so I will let him figure out how much sex seems like it does in the videos when he is experiencing it with other women, maybe it will be everything he has dreamt of when watching, but either way I want him to be able to make his own opinion so he doesn't feel like he has missed out.

That's really nice of you to say, thanks!

We are looking for new and interesting physical experiences and just trying to navigate that without having emotional stuff. It seems like Brysquatch is able to do this. We wanna figure it out.

Prior to starting this, my hubby had only had sex with me and his first wife (who would only put out once or twice a month for their decade plus marriage), plus a 2 super brief brief unintended encounters with the same girl (so he had only been with 3 women, and the middle one barely counts) so he feels like he really has missed out on experiencing sex with any diversity. And he's watched like a ton of porn, and wants to see how that aligns with reality.

Side note, I am looking forward to the house party, and I don't feel pressured at all, I'll be pretty bummed if we don't get any action. I think a party feels way more relaxed than couples dating!