I apologize in advance for the length of the post...I finished this and realized I was exteremly verbose. My bad. TL;DR: How do you navigate having a spouse who wants to swing but doesn't seem to have the "approaching" gene in their body?

So my wife and I are both late 30s, and have been in the LS for around 18 months. As a couple, we've been together for 15 years, married for 10. We've had some tremendously fun and sexy experiences, but I have figured out that I'm struggling a little bit with our dynamic. My wife was actually the one who suggested swinging to me, and I would say in general she's probably the kinkier, more sexual partner in our relationship. We have pretty strong communication skills in our regular relationship and we seem to have pretty strong communication skills both in advance of a LS night out and after as a debrief. The relationship is on firm footing in that way.

I say all this to just preface this with the idea that we do talk about things a lot and also to show that I'm not the horndog husband dragging his wife into the LS club to fulfill his fantasy only. For the most part, the dirty talk that led to the spark of an idea that led to swinging has started with her more than me, although I'm def a willing participant!

I'd say looks-wise she is a 9 and I'm probably a 7. What I've found is that when we go out to an event, she puts on these amazing, sexy outfits. She's laughing, she's into it, and she is just oozing sex appeal. She's excited and so am I. And then we get there and she kind of...waits for people to come to her, a strategy that probably worked pretty well for her over the years but I've found that in the LS if you want something to happen you need to take a little more active role. Basically she's a stunner looks wise and also a super fun personality, but she has to feel comfortable to really shine whereas I'm the guy who has the confidence to be approach anyone and create fun out of nothing. When we've had great experiences, it is generally because either the other couple approached us and basically successfully picked us up, or I made friends with a dude at the bar and when we reconvened with the wives they were happy to tag along to a fun conversation in progress which built the rapport. She seems reluctant to initiate and even reluctant to just confirm, "Yes, I find them attractive, let's say hi."

Absent someone else doing the heavy lifting of putting the option in front of her, she seems kind of...ambivalent about it? Like she can't really make up her mind if she finds anyone attractive, or maybe she points out how hot a couple is but then I ask, "Want me to kick off the conversation?" and she's kind of hemming and hawing about it. She never seems to get to a decisive moment of, "They are hot, let's see if they're fun."

And yet, there are times when a woman walks up to her out of the blue and just says, "You're so hot, wanna make out?" And it's on! She's had women cold approach her and be making out, pulling tops off, spanking playfully, etc. within minutes or even seconds. I think she just can't get out of her own head.

Super long preface, but to get to the "question"...how do you navigate a situation where your partner wants to swing but maybe has some kind of anxiety about the part where you actually make the connection? Do you have any favorite icebreakers or strategies that help you get into the headspace to find your couple match? If you're the more outgoing partner, how do you go about checking in with the more shy partner to give them room to say, "Yes it's on" or "I'm not feeling it?"

If we stopped swinging tomorrow it would be sad to lose a fun hobby, but not the end of my world, so I'm genuinely not trying to push her into it. She usually plans for us to go to the events and then I find myself there going, "OK, we're here...they're here...what do you say?"