Wife and I have been together for 18 years. Last year we decided to check out a lifestyle friendly resort in Mexico. Before going we spoke about what we would be ok with and what our boundaries were. I admitted I had fantasies of seeing her with another man she told me she had fantasies of being with another woman. At the resort we met another couple that are in the lifestyle and spend the entire week with them. I had a pop kiss with the other wife and my wife a short kiss with the other husband. On another night the girls licked whipped cream off each others nipples while me and the other husband watched. On the last night they invited us to their room and we were ready to go but plans changed and they fell asleep (we drank all day).
My wife and I had discussed all of the āwhat if ā we had actually gone to the room that night. They happen to live close to where we live so we saw them a couple months after, and they took us to our first swingers club. We had made it clear that we were not in the lifestyle, but had an interest in getting to know it a little bit. We had a great time and ended up Playing in one of the rooms. During the play, the two girls kissed and touched, and my wife also made out with the other husband. He licked her nipples and she jerked him off, but there was no interaction between me and the other wife after that we all went home, and I felt conflicted. I felt like they had a threesome and I was a bystander, my wife has explained to me that she had no interest in him and that if nothing wouldāve happened between her and him she wouldāve been perfectly fine. I didnāt necessarily feel the need to have had an interaction with the other wife, but I did feel a little left out. I want to see them again because while I felt left out, I was also turned on about the entire situation.
Please show your thoughts on what I should do. If I felt uneasy at the moment, should I avoid it or should I push through it since I was ultimately turned on about the overall outcome?
I do agree that I should have been more assertive. It was our first experience so I had a whole lot of things going through my head but I know I could have taken more control of the situation. I was fucking my with the entire time so itās not like I was twiddling my thumbs. LOL. When I spoke to my wife after she told me she didnāt realize I was feeling left out. But not you made me think.. my wife wanted the girl girl play but the other husband was obviously more experienced and went after my wife so she let that flow. Iāll need to do the same
I did say I wanted to see her with another man and thatās where the conflict comes in. One thing is what the fantasy you build up is and what you actually feel when itās happening. Keep in mind that before that night we had never done anything like that so it was a lot of emotions to process. Feeling left out I guess is not the right way to out itā¦ maybe itās like I was fucking my wife while she was having a threesome with another couple. The relationship between my wife and I is perfectly fine after that night so I feel secure about that. We have even role played how we would have done things differently and what we both would have wanted to get out of the experience.
I think it has to be common to feel a rollercoaster of emotions after a couples first time swinging in any aspect.
I appreciate this response, had never thought about asking for consent but that sounds like a respectful and easy way to make sure we are all there to play together. Also, youāre right Iām sure if my wife would have realized play was not flowing between all for of us she would have stopped her play. Iām sure we will explore some more whether it is with this same couple or a new one. Which ever one it is, I will keep the ācan I kiss youā question ready in case things are not flowing as we would want them too. Another thing my wife said to me was that she should have pulled me in when she was kissing the other wifeā¦ that maybe since we are new to this they were not sure what we were ok with so they let things go with our flow.
I would say someone that understands we had never played with another couple and were allowing things to move slow. You sound like someone who thinks that just because play starts it has to go straight to all in. Iām glad they were not pushy but I guess some people just expect sex has to happen.
I didnt think she did after that night but we had 2 vanilla dates with them after and she was very flirty and danced with me the whole night but nothing happened at the end of those night so not sure. We have another night planned to see them soon so maybe I should just be upfront with how I felt and what it is we are looking to experience
::UPDATE::
Last night we went to dinner with this couple. During dinner we spoke about so many things regarding the lifestyle. What we wanted and what they were looking for. It was so nice to be able to speak openly and get everything out and clearing up everything from our first play date. The other wife made it a point in her own to tell us that she knew I probably didnāt walk away from that first time feeling great. While I would never have asked her to explain herself (donāt think anyone should have to provide an explanation for not playing with someone) she wanted us to know that she definitely wanted to play with me but understanding that my wife was still not sure what her boundaries were, she didnāt want to do anything that would make her uncomfortable or walk away feeling like it was a mistake.
For those that commented about communication and speaking clearlyā¦ thank you so much. This made a huge difference.
Needless to say, we had some very hot play time at a LS club after dinner.
Let me know if you guys would want to get the juicy details š„š„š„
I can understand this and it does help put my thoughts in perspective. Part of my fantasy is seeing my wife open up sexually and enjoy the pure physical pleasures of sex, all kinds of it. I know that no one partner will feel like another and there are things, movements, shapes and sizes that I am wanting to try if her curiosity takes her that route. She is more interested in playing with the female part of the other couple and I want her to experience that too. I know as times goes by if we decide to keep exploring this LS I will get to the point of being able to take more control of my situation and find ways to enjoy more aspects of this journey
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We agreed that we were 100% ok with girl-girl and with parallel play. Kissing was also a yes. The only thing off the table was full swap. Oral and more intense interactions were going to be āif the vibe is right we let things progressā looking back at it now we realize we needed to be a little more clear with each other and with them in what was a yes, maybe, and a hard no