I'm 31F - and 33 weeks pregnant - married almost 10 years to my husband, 43M. He told me about 2 weeks into dating that swinging was something he was really into and basically that if I wasn't interested, it would be a deal-breaker, so it's not like this was a surprise. Thing is, we didn't actually try swinging or having threesomes until after we were married, at which point I discovered that I don't enjoy it at all if I'm sober (which I think should be interpreted as I don't enjoy it, period, if I have to get drunk/high to get it on). He suggested an MFM threesome, which we have never done, and I shot him down outright and am, frankly, appalled that he would even suggest it when I'm pregnant - and especially since I have never indicated any desire to bring another man into things.

Our own sex life with just the two of us is now very much reflective of this being his core sexual interest, in my opinion: on date nights, we make small talk for a couple hours until I get sick of the lack of any attempt at foreplay towards me and just throw myself at him hoping he'll get the hint, then usually toys come out so he can (vocally) imagine us with other people. It's all very odd to me because he's very affectionate and caring outside of actual sexual intimacy, but when it comes to actually getting it on, it feels like I'm being treated like any other playmate (or perhaps, more accurately, like a proxy for a playmate). I think this all started when we started scheduling date nights into our week: things went markedly in this direction (so this all started some time before I was pregnant and things have not changed substantially since I've been pregnant). It also feels like my attempts at seduction or trying to get him to pursue me or be the aggressor fall entirely flat as well.

I'm just honestly very confused at what's going on and hoping some longtime lifestylers could provide me with some insight. Anything you got would be really appreciated because I don't know what to do with this and I hate to jump directly to "I guess we're just not actually compatible" because we sure used to be.