I really need advice from those that have been doing this awhile. My 3 years of experience is not enough.

Background: I date a male (let’s call him Patrick) who is a long term MMF throuple. Both the men in the relationship are bisexual and the female is heteroflexible. I am a pansexual female. The throuple lives together.

I have been dating Patrick for 7 months and we have talked every single day/spend a lot of time together. We both said I love you to each other about 2 months ago.

This is my first time being in a relationship where I have had a meta - and even more complex because I now have two metas through the same hinge. Every relationship I have had before - I dated both people in the relationship.

Problem:

The issue that I am now having is that the four of us spent hours talking, have had sex several times now and have spent hours cuddling as a MMFF group.

We have never talked in depth about me going on dates with the other two. I am dumb for that one. However, the other male in the relationship and I talked by ourselves while Patrick and the female were packing for a 10 day vacation (long story as to why the other male could not go with). I thought maybe we could go out together so we wouldn’t be lonely and he said yes.

I did not realize that dating anyone in the throuple solo outside of Patrick would cause potential strife. Again; dumb of me. Luckilyc I did end up talking about it with Patrick before we went on the date.

After talking through it - it now sounds like Patrick is the only one allowed to have romantic feelings for me. I guess this more arose from the female in the throuple feeling that she would be replaced. Which is not the case, I would never do anything to hurt her. I can understand and respect those feelings though. It takes a long time to develop that trust that I wouldn’t and if she doesn’t even want to try then I have to respect that. I understand i am not entitled to any other romantic relationship besides the one I made with Patrick.

But now onto my feelings: Perhaps they are irrational but I am a bit upset and unsure how to move forward. I do plan on having a conversation with the group when the two return.

Is it better that I withdraw from seeing them all together as a group? Doing so would severely limit the time I get with Patrick. I was and have never been able to do friends with benefits - its on my dating profile. I naturally develop romantic feelings for the people I hangout with if I am also having sex and cuddling with them.

I am mostly upset with myself for not recognizing that I was developing feelings for not just Patrick but for all three of them. I am also upset that none of them thought they should let me know in the beginning when I asked about boundaries.

I feel like this boundary makes them not actually “polyamorous” as they identify as if you are again limiting the relationship one has. Especially since us two were both okay with going out. I’m not intending to push the issue though as it’s not my place. Just need help deciding if it’s rational for me to end seeing them as a group.